The last moments of Christmas torture.

Mine know better. The fantasy was blown wide open a few years ago and rather than fight it, I conceded. "You're right sweetie, there is no Santa. Mommy does it all." Staring eyes.....mouth open.....and then "Well, I guess I can blame you for the crappy presents last year then." She walks away. Homicide anyone?

I wasn't always so angry at Christmas. I think I enjoyed a few of them.....possibly before children. I know many women who pride themselves on buying their kids every-damn-thing on the planet. "Oh sure! I bought little Johnny everything on the list he submitted this year! (she's smiling that "please like me" smile) Uh huh....sure...yeah, you're kid must be a real gem. Just turn and walk away Michelle or your mouth will start moving and the sounds coming out of it will definately offend. RUN!

I don't spoil. My kids work for what they get. Some people (bitches...) say I'm a tad "militant" hmmmmm, okay I am rather strict in some of my parenting. So? At least I know where my kid is and what they are doing. I dont make Xmas a culmination of the years good deeds. She tries hard because thats her JOB! Anyway, dont get me started. Back to Xmas. I'll rename it Giftmas and it wont involve a tree or lights. Good will toward others and charity should be the basis. End o story.

So here we are, 12 hours away from a school day (Yipee!) and I'm very excited. I have 2 weeks off without kids before I start school too. Its going to take me that long to recover from this 3 week madness. Cheers all!

I'm the Mommy, that's why....

Do you cock your head to the side and think "hmmmm, its funny but yaknow what? THAT is actually a good idea." ? Don't lie, you know you do. Then reason takes over. Well, for me, reason doesn't always reign me in quick enough and I have been known to participate in some questionable "child management procedures". Nothing dangerous or illegal but questionable nonetheless. I'm only referring to physical methods, not the mandatory Nyquil-ing, Sudafed-ing or Benadryl-ing that we all come down to at some point. Unfortunately mine are of an age (12 and 15) that they know "their rights" and won't waste a minute contacting "an attorney". It's alot harder to slip over-the-counter cold medications into their beverages too. So now I live in a world of empty threats and bribery, my kids have become the extortionists that I was at their age. They're also awake alot more these days, hehe. Ah, to be young again.

New Year Cometh.

Well, didnt win the damn lottery. Not that I REALLY thought we would but there's always that glimmer ya'know? Anyway. Last night was typical of our New Years exploits. Joe fell asleep watching a movie (around 9pm) and the girl and I stayed up till 12. I only had to roust her awake a FEW times, hehe. Wake up dammit, I'm doing this for your benefit ferchrissake. Gah. In bed by 12:01, bed spinning. No wonder...I finished off half a bottle of wine dammit. Watched more tv till sleepiness outweighed the spinning and I passed out.
Fade to morning of 2010.....I heard him get out of bed at an absurd hour (4:20am) to surf the internet (can you say Craigslist addiction?) so I dozed back into a coma. AND THEN....just as my dream gets juicy I feel him slide back into the bed......naked. This means ONE THING. (picture me roll my eyes as I sleep, it isnt easy to do btw) Ok, you've been asleep ALL night and I'm 5 hours into a drunken sleep.....the answer is ...uh.....legs clamped and feigned death....go away....no one is home, sorry...no entry unless you answer to the name Ryan Rheynolds or Hugh Jackman and even then you better be covered in sugar-free chocolate. Am I kidding? You obviously dont know me if you're asking.
Fast forward. Today there is a ride, as in Harley Group ride. And since I have volunteered to take on the title of Lead Officer of Ladies of Harley for my Group I think I should go. I mean, I missed the damn Xmas party because of undisclosed reasons, which I will not be disclosing here. Soooo, Child #2 wants to ride shotgun. Its 38 degrees outside. I warn and warn and try very hard to explain exactly HOW very cold it will be. "I'm good Mom, lets rock." Uh-huh. So we ride. The old man follows in the car with Child #1. About 30-40 riders showed up, it was a good ride (albeit very fucking cold). Yadda yadda yadda. Lunch at the Va Diner (I'm still frozen btw) and we go to leave. Child #2 defects to the car (knew she would PUSSY!, ha!) and I ride back home alone, which I prefer because I go F A S T! Nothing, no words, can explain the feeling....its better than....everything....honestly. Once home and I defrost nothing can touch me, no crisis or child induced madness can penetrate this shield. Ahhhhhh. So I sent the old man out for take-out ( i refuse to cook which means there is no food available for consumption, hehe) I'm alone, ahhhhhhhh. I guess this could be construed as a perfect day, yes? Well, not perfect....they will come home eventually. Kidding. Time for wine. Tata yall.

Holy crap. Here I am blogging on this old damn site on New Years Eve??? Yes, I have very little life. I'm a mother of 2, a very difficult 2 I might add. Aw hell, I could lay out the whole damn story now but I'm kinda dunk and wayyyyyy too tired to go through the emotional labyrinth that that would entail. I spent the last 2 hours trying to figure out the user Id and password for Blogger because its been so damn long since I have blogged. Gah. Anyway, thats it for tonight. I'm half-way through this bottle of wine and I'm determined to finish that bitch off! Wish me luck! Ta!