April 30

Wow, 186 this morning, what a great surprise. I'm such a scale whore. I have to admit, it really starts my day off good if I'm down in weight. But, if I'm up, well........the day is shit. I rescheduled my national test for Wednesday, I'll be hitting the books again on Monday (i work all weekend...lucky me) I'm sure to pass this time because if I dont, well.....it could mean retardation can set in late in life and I may have to have myself committed. Positive thoughts.

 

 

April 29

I passed the state, failed the national, crap. I get to try again in a few days. If you check out my eating yesterday you can see I was stress eating. I'm getting back on track today. My weight went up a pound, probably because of all the salt I ingested yesterday. FitDay - Online Diet & Fitness Manager

April 28

Of course I'm happy! 188 this morning, even after chowing down a huge bag of cheese popcorn last night. I felt like crap afterwards too, that'll teach me huh!? Testing today, I'm all nervous and crazy. Just want it to be over with.

April 25

Crikey, 189 this morning. I'm happy. Now if I can just get to 188 by this weekend. Heh, a girl can dream cant she.? Well, my work clothes actually feel like they should now. That was a relief, because if I had to go up one more size I might just have committed a homicide. All my skinny clothes (12's and 14s) stare at me from my closet, mocking me. I screwed up the courage to try on (or attempt to try on) some of those smug little buggers the other day. I shouldnt have. I couldnt get any of my bloated body into anything I tried. Its hard to imagine that not so long ago I was comfortably WEARING these same clothes. And theyre so small and cute and so much more stylish than the sacks I'm wearing now. Have I mentioned that on May 1st we can wear shorts at work? Except me of course. I'd rather not show off my cheesy ass and legs to complete strangers, thanks anyway. I reserve that pleasure for my husband, hehe. No really. Its not that I'm scared, I'm doing everyone else a favor. Once I drop another 20, I'll consider it.

April 26

Today is the first day I've felt nauseous after I ate.  1 toast with LoSugar Jam and 3 oz vanilla yogurt with 5 slices of peaches, I felt so sick that I couldnt eat my egg whites. I'm choking them down now with a Raisin muffin bar. The egg whites serve a purpose, the high protien of them keeps me full longer. They taste like ass though. For the most part I'm doing okay.....I felt weak (my mind telling me I need food) almost all day yesterday. If I had of been alone, I may have succumbed. This morning I weighed in at 190, I was surprised, I thought it would take much much longer to drop weight without exercise. My calories are very low and I'm lowering my carbo intake, that could be why.

 

April 25

Had another high calorie day yesterday, the evening meal made up about 1000 calories.  Good thing my breakfast and lunch were about 450. I didnt go over for the day but my sodium intake had me up all night, thirsty as hell. Today will be much better. The weather is beautiful and I'll be outside doing yard work all day. I take my final exam on Wednesday so I'll be studying for the next three days.

April 22 again

Birthday cake. I ate a rather big piece and now I'm feeling............guilty and angry at myself for being so weak. I know one piece wont kill me but for me one piece is the key. Once I have one I start slipping backwards. I'll be fine this time, I just have to make sure it doesnt happen again.

April 22

I had chocolate last night and still managed to stay under 1400 cals. I'm eating less and remaining full during the day, a miracle. I have a feeling that its working because I'm not exercising yet. Once I start burning more, my body will want more. The only problem with hunger is, it gives me raging headaches. I cant function well when my head hurts. My weight is down to 192, I'll believe this whole thing is working when I go under 190.

April 20

I'm doing so great. My eating has really been good. If I could only get my butt moving with some exercise now. My work pants feel better, not as tight. I watched The Swan last night, I envy those women. They cry and moan, I'd like to smack them. I'd sell a kidney to be able to have every surgery I wanted......have veneers put on my crooked teeth, oh man.....to get a personal trainer and hairstylist. I'd be in heaven.

April 19

What a great day we had yesterday! It was up to 82 and we spent the whole day outside. I bought popsicles (bad idea for me), if they're in the house and fat free, I eat alot of them. My calories were only about 1300 yesterday, very high in the protein dept. I've started eating 12 oz of tuna for lunch, it keeps me full alot longer than a reg. lunch. If my stomach isnt hungry I dont think about food. Makes sense huh!? I'm making up some short term goals. I may take up walking OR buy one of those exercise DVDs, I havent decided yet.

April 18

Yesterday was the highest my caloric intake has been since I started, 1700.Saturday I had pizza last night and some other processed stuff that I'm trying to stay away from, it wasnt a slip per se. I wanted it, so I ate it. I have to keep in mind that I want to eat like this forever and nothing can be "off-limits". I love FitDay, it really makes me think about what I'm eating. I still havent chosen an activity yet, I'm stalling on that front. I dunno why, it just isnt enticing like it used to be. Maybe its because I dont want to start from scratch again. I remember what it was like to huff and puff those first couple of months, yeck. My weight is staying about the same, it goes up or down by a pound or two. I guess it wont go down unless I do some sweating. Ugh.

April 16, 2004

Hi! A picture of me, in our new boat, on the lake. Serene yes? Yes! Except when I looked at this picture, I was stunned. I'm SO DAMN fat........yes.

SO. Off I go again. I've gathered myself together, made some goals and will hit the road running. I almost revived my old Diary of a Loser site but that just wouldnt be fair. That was 3 years ago and its been more than a year since I fell off the wagon. My lowest weight was 165 lbs and I'm back up to 194.  My eating has changed and can be witnessed here >>>FitDay - Online Diet & Fitness Manager

I'll check back in soon!

April 5

Wow, its been awhile.

I finished real estate school a few weeks ago, I'm just waiting to go take my licensing exam now. I dropped down to part-time at work, I needed time to study. Everyone in my department is quitting, the management at this store is terrible and we're constantly getting conflicting orders. I cant wait to move on.

We got a new bulldog, his name is Oz. We picked him up two weeks ago in N. Carolina, its so nice to have a puppy in the house.

Joe bought a fishing boat last week and we've been out on the water once. It does the job but next time we wont be taking the kids along. I'm starting to like fishing .

Anyway, thats about it. Hopefully it wont be a month before I post again.