Not myself

  I dont know if you can read it but the baby is saying "A little closer....closer..."  I thought it was cute.

Hello folks. Here we are at Saturday and I'm worn out.  I spent the bulk of the night finishing up my Physics homework, by the time I had it all down on paper my neurons were fried.  I had hoped to get started on History and Speech but the body shut down and I crashed.  Today I will force myself to read 100 pages of ancient Greek history (without falling asleep) and take notes on 3 chapters of speech.  Truthfully I'd rather be having a root canal.

Yesterday my eating was terrible.  My stomach just was not happy with anything I offered it.  I had half a bowl of oatmeal in the am and around 10 I had some almonds.  I drank a full bottle of water during class and then had to drive home to eat lunch.  I tried about 3 bites of chili and it just made me sicker than a dog, I had to nap for an hour till it passed.  Then my stomach was sore and all it would take was hot tea.  Later last night I was hungry and got some veg soup in (half a bowl with almost no solids).  More hot tea.  Then I tempted fate by having a handful of plain cheese goldfish while watching tv.  They didnt kill me but I could feel them.  This morning my tummy is sore again and I'm having my hot tea.  I hate to say it but its days like these that I really regret having the surgery.  All I want to do is eat something and have it NOT make me ill.  I'm so scared to eat anything now, scared that it will make me sick and when I get sick it knocks me out for like an hour or two.  Also I've been cooking for the family and last night all I wanted to do was load up a plate and sit with them, like I used to.  Its very frustrating, I feel like the damn cook/waiter lately.  I cant eat most of what they're eating so I'm left out of just about every meal.  I know my body doesnt need the food, shit that is what got me fat to begin with, but my head wants things back to the way they were.  When food was an afterthought, not the forethought.  I've been assured that this does get better with time.....I hope so.

Okay so thats about it for now.  I'm hoping for a productive day! Tata.