I MISS DAIRY DAMMIT!!!!

Biggest regret of RNY??? Now I'm allergic to all dairy.  Seriously. Not just "lactose intolerant". ALLERGIC!  Kills me.  I was the queen of all dairy before surgery. I dont think I had a meal that didnt include some form of the creamy goodness.  Soy sucks.  I just drank 4 oz. of Continents Soy chocolate milk and......so far my stomach isnt queasy. I say so far because it usually takes an hour or so to be sure.  At least this one didnt taste like chocolate ass crack and its a Light version so the calories are acceptable.  Shit, I need the calories anyway.  On average I'm eating 500 a day so I guess a few extra wont hurt me now.  I was looking for a soy cheese (because dammit I MISS CHEESE!) and every brand says the same thing on the back "CONTAINS LACTOSE". Uh. Lactose? If its made of soy why does it have friggin lactose in it???! Stupid lactose. 

Short story: The old man was working on the electrical shit in the house yesterday and it was getting close to dinner.  Me: I have to cook soon. Can you please turn the power on? HIM: No. I got more shit to do. Why dont you go get some pizza?  Me: I have pizza in the freezer dammit! I dont want to spend $30 on take out! HIM: Tough shit. Its either that or PB and J.  So my kids start whining and yep....we drive into town for pizza.  Of course I cant eat pizza, being that it will KILL me (but I'm not bitter or anything).  I wasnt having an issue until we get in the car with the take out boxes and the smell of freshly cooked pizza coupled with hot wings fills the car with a scent so intoxicating I was considering how sick I would possibly get from one piece.  Sad right?  We get home and I've sort of come to my senses.  While they pig out I have avacado and salsa, my stomach cursing me with every bite. My rational mind says "DUMMY, this is how your ass got so fat to begin with." And I know this but it doesnt make it any easier.

I'm officially 166 lbs this morning (wake, pee, strip, weigh) and I should be crazy happy right? Dont care. Really. The scale could have read 120 and I would have had the same reaction. Ho hum.  I dont think the Zoloft is working.  I'm still disinterested in school and watch Food Network any chance I get.  Most of the day my head feels too fuzzy to even bother trying to think.  I'm taking my vitamin, my Os-cal and my B-12 daily.  I dont drink nearly enough waterand my protein intake sucks mostly but I'm trying to improve (i swear).  Why do I always feel like I'm whining about the same crap every day. I'm pathetic.

Anyway, enough for now. Tata.