Bored silly.

 

The Obesity Help site that I frequent has a message board.  I go there and read the posts just to see if anyone is having the same issues I am.  I'm not typical though.  I've managed to lose just about all of my weight in under 6 months.  My marraige isnt failing.  I eat food regularly and dont (so far) have any transfer addictions.  It seems as if I'm very lucky in those respects.  Guess I'll keep knocking on wood.

I'm bored. We went to National Treasure 2 last night and it was so-so.  The first one was better.  Had to get the kids out of the house, its been raining for like a week. Anyway I have to get going. Tata.

Almost a new year.

I got a great knife from the old man.  How evil do I look? Hehe.

Child #2 has been feeling poorly for the past few weeks, mostly a viral thing she probably picked up at school. So we've had coughing and whatnot all through Giftmas.  Recently her stomach has been paining her, sharp pains at various intervals. Normally I wouldnt sweat something so random but it was happening more and more and bringing her to tears.  We went in to see the doctor and she did an x-ray.  It seems Child #2 has ALOT of poop and its kinda backed up.  The gas in between all the poop seems to be the culprit of the pains. So.  The doc informs me that Milk of Mag and a high fiber diet should clear this right up.  Ok. We visit the grocery store and pick up every high fiber food I could think of.  Its been two days and the pains are still coming on. I'm going to give it till Tuesday and return to the doc.

I've been eating more lately (out of boredom) but its mostly been salads.  Weight this morning is 149! Yep, I broke the 150 barrier.  Not to say that it wont be up over 150 again the next few weeks. The number is nice to see though. I dont think I've been 149 since the early 80's and it was probably only for a few days, hehe.

My mom wants Child #2 for the summer (08) but I had planned on working on her weight this summer. I dont want her to face the same ridicule I did in middle school.  We are joining American Family Fitness in a week or so and they offer a daily program for kids.  I'm very excited that she will have a varied, fun after school program to participate in. She is excited as well and keeps telling me that she cant wait to be involved with some fun activities.  The good part is, I get to work out too.  I'm considering driving up to Moms for a few weeks (me and the kids) but I know Joe will have a problem with this (your car isnt up to that long of a drive, you cant travel alone with 2 kids, etc) but they are really just excuses because he's very protective and thinks I cant manage the trip on my own, which is a load of bullshit. Anyway, I'm going to work on getting the kids their passports first.

Well, I'm gonna get moving. Tata.

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After Giftmas Aftermath.

The only thing I asked Santa for......thank you Joe.

Child #2 got (ALOT) of what she wanted.

Child #1 isnt a big fan of Giftmas but tolerated it for a few minutes.

My Mom got an Old navy fleece.

Joe mostly got clothes but its what he needed most.

Well, my Mom arrived on the 21st and the shopping began.  Our shopping was only interrupted by sleeping and eating.  On the 24th I made a huge roast dinner and when Joe got home at 7:30 pm we ate and opened 1/3 of the presents.  The next morning (25th) we got up and my Mom and Child #2 opened their stockings.  I made a big breakfast (Quiche and waffles) and then we opened another 1/3 of the presents.  Tried to go shopping (hehe) and found nothing but the Quickie Mart open. Went over to some friends house to drop presents off then toodled back home so I could put my turkey in.  Spent the rest of the day just hanging out and cooking.  Joe returns home at 7:30 pm and we eat our big turkey dinner (which ROCKED btw) and opened the remaining presents.  So the next day I drive Joe to the airport and he'll be gone until the 1st.  This morning I drove my Mom to the airport.  So now its just me and the kids until the new year.  My weight has pretty much stayed the same throughout the last week and this morning I weighed in at 150 lbs. 

I have soooo many pictures of Giftmas but I'm not going to post them all.  I may post some more later.  Tata.

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Sunday

Haggard looking (its early, gimmee a break) Me and my Big Boy.

 

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Ketchup.

Wow, alot has happened since I last wrote. My Mom flew in on Friday and I met her at the airport by myself.  The weight loss was a big surprise and I was the one crying, not her.  I think it was just a relief of finally being seen by her. That whole "acceptance" thing ya'know.  Anyway, since we got home we've just been shopping fools.  Well, until I had a horrible dumping episode after lunch today.  It was so bad that she had to drive while I tried not to die. When we got home I had some terrible diarreah and had to take a nap to regain my composure. Dumping sucks so bad.

Tonight I made a oven baked chicken that tasted just like fried.  I'm such an awesome cook, hehe. So now everyone has flaked out but I managed to flash a pic before we all hit the hay.

3 generations.

Tata.

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Vacation starts today.

 

Child #1 and 2, up far too early on a day when there is no school. 

Well, its the day before my Mom arrives and there is much to do.  I have to plan and shop a 7 day menu, buy last minute gifts, and of course CLEAN.  My kids are just thrilled about that last one, hehe.

The ground was frozen and frosty this am.  It will only be in the 40-50's this next week so I doubt we'll be having any X-Mas snow. (Secretly I'm glad, I hate snow.)

Anyway, I have to get going. Tata.

7:07 pm

It was a friggin long day.  My feet hurt. I visited with my PCP, the amazing Doctor Khalid.....she's an Indian princess, hehe. She hadnt seen me since before the surgery so she just went on and on about how she couldnt believe it was me.  I blushed but boy is it nice to hear. So, she puts some referrals in the computer for me so that I can go see my GBS doc and my Urologist.  I ask her to run a panel on me since it will be a month or so till I can get in to see the GBS guy.  I'm worrying about my vitamin/iron/etc levels so this is basically just to calm my nerves. She says sure and I go to the lab.  They will fax a copy of the results to the GBS guy as well so they dont stick me again.  After that I went to the PX since I was on base and without kids (ahhhhhhhh).  Wandered around, picked up a couple of things, it was very relaxing. But then the guilt started seeping in of leaving Joe alone with Child 1&2.  Dammit.  I drive home only to find that they are pulling out and he takes them with him anyway. Yay. I sit and watch the Borne Ultimatum while I eat my soup and salad.  Then laundry, cleaning, cooking and basic house maintenance. I just finished the Menu and was told by Joe I need to spend HALF as much as I usually do on groceries. Back to the Menu, cutting items and wondering how many days in a row I can serve Hamb. Helper.  And as I sit here I can smell........shit. Yep. Guess who has dropped a load.......time to go change a diaper. Yay for me.

Stupid kidney.

morning. you can really see how thin my hair is getting here.

Well, last night my left side started to hurt, the kidney kind of hurting.  I did what I always do when the kidney acts up, I drank a butt-ton of water. But after 3 twenty oz bottles, nothing.  Hmmmm. I drink more. Take a pain killer and go to sleep. I get up 3 times during the night to pee and I can just tell there's something going on.  This morning I pass "something".  I'm not sure what it was but it was big enough to make me glad it was out.  Alittle blood.  I'm not worried too much yet.  I drink 3 twenty oz bottles this morning and take a Keflex. Force myself to pee, no blood. Good.  I'll take a few days of Keflex just to be sure I dont get infected. How did I get so lucky to have such shitty kidneys??? HUH?  So today will be me drinking water till I'm dizzy, great fun.  I'm going to have to make an appointment to go back to see my urologist dammit, I was really hoping that whole thing was over. 

So that was my fun. Bet you're glad you tuned in for that little tidbit huh.  Tata.

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SpongeMom MichellePants

Weight: 150 before the shower......151 after the shower (huh?)

Yep, I gained a pound while showering. HA!  When I hopped on the scale I didnt believe the 150 blinking back at me so I re-weighed about 15 times just to be sure.  Happy that I'm about to crack the 150 barrier, I jump into the shower.  After thinking about it for 5-6 minutes while showering I decide that the scale must be wrong or maybe I'm dreaming, etc etc. So just for chuckles I hop back on after I dry off. 151. Huh? I try again. 151. Grrrrr. One more time. 151. Okay, fine. I mutter "Now that aint right." Joe hears me and asks "What aint right?" from the bed. I gained a pound in the shower I tell him. His answer? Its the water you absorb when you shower.  (Honestly, I was waiting for him to laugh.) Waiting waiting waiting.  Joe. I'm not Spongebob. I dont absorb a pound of water when I shower. I walk away because I can see he's gearing up for a discussion of how human water absorbtion has been documented.....he's seen it on the internet, I'm sure. Anyway, because of this milestone I'm wearing my Size 8's, with a big sweatshirt! HA!

My stomach is feeling better today. I ate some of that Kashi (grass clippings) Cereal this morning with Almond Milk. Suprisingly good and sat really well.  Had Ukropts salad at about 10 and tried to have some sweet potato when I got home but the belly said NO.  Sweet potato with Vegan butter and Tofu sour cream.  I dont mind the butter but the sour cream will take some getting used to.  It looks like white paint and doesnt have that kick that real dairy has. (pout) Found a new health foods store today and will be going back regularly I'm sure.  Joe went with me and all he could comment on was the prices.  We fight alot about the quality of food that I buy. Sorry, I wont eat crappy food anymore. I dont care if it costs more, it also tastes better.  I have a feeling we will always argue over this. Funny thing is.....he never complains when the fabulous dishes roll out of the kitchen. HA!

Enough for now. Tata.

 

Rainy Sunday.

Weight this morning : 152.........you read it correctly........1.5.2.

Yesterday was a bad stomach day. All day I was gassy, bubbles rolling through the belly like crazy. I had no idea what this was caused by so I just kept drinking water.  By 7 pm  I figured I better eat something so I made a grilled cheese sandwich with Vegan-rella (a cheese-like soy based product that I found at Ukrops) I was jonesing for cheese.  Only bad thing was I couldnt taste it, my stuffed up head and mucous made it impossible.  I ate maybe 1/3 with some lentil soup and stopped when I figured the pouch was full.  I also bought some other dairy substitutes which I will tell you about as I try them. Anyway, I have to run. Tata.

Mucous Madness

This morning Child #2 had a choir function at the mall, singing for all of the old people. Awwwww. So sweet, right? I wake up SICK. as. a. DOG. this morning. Coughy, mucousy, nose and head achy....someone kill me now feeling.  Off we go to the mall.  She is singing with the choir and has solos with her PAAS team, since she's musically gifted yada yada yada (of course I'm proud....just sick and not that enthusiastic.)

White shirt, Santa hat

She sang, they clapped, I was forced to walk the mall because she wanted to "just look Mom"......I ended up having to say NO about a kabillion times. Great fun. Meanwhile I've degenerated to the snot queen and sneeze every 3 or 4 steps. Anyway, home now and in my sicky jammies. Tata.

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Tree

Our Plastic Tree. Merry Giftmas!

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Say Cheee....wait, no....cheese is bad.

These pictures are bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. I dont know why I'm posting them. I guess I just cant help myself.  Remember the whole Size 8 thing? Well, when Joe got home I made him take pictures.  He also informed me that I may not want to wear these in PUBLIC yet.  Why are men so dumb?

Ok, they're alittle snug.  He wanted me to pose with my shirt lifted up.....HA! Uh, no. The shirt hides the 6 pounds of flesh hanging over the top, thank. you. very. much.

The back end is just as hideous (although fairly small). I've always carried some wicked big saddlebags, probably always will. Um, unless the plastic surgeon fairy comes along......

Finished my Physics and Speech exams today (can you hear that? Its my relief.) One more tomorrow and I be finished until Jan 7th. Wheeeee!

Tata.

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Bang Bang......

Wow, impressive. One person voted in my poll. Good thing my feelings arent easily hurt yall.

So this morning was spectacular. I stood on the back porch, listening to the roosters crow and smelling the morning dew.....sounds corny but it really is a highlight of my day.

After getting the kids off to school I took the rest of the day to just do some things for myself.  I know, selfish me, ha. Went to the mall to pick up some things for Child#2 and ended up trying on pants.  I mean, I NEVER try on pants. Well, I usually have 2 whiney kids with me so I never even consider trying on pants. I tried on at least 3 pairs per store in at least 6 stores. Amazing. And I didnt even break a sweat.

Joe came back from Minnesota and I guess he decided that Child #2 needed a GUN.  (i sit silent and stunned) Child #2 has a hard time with existing on a daily basis so now we're going to give her a deadly weapon.  I'm at a loss for words.  He shows me said gun and this leads to a very heated discussion (FIGHT!) What the hell were you thinking?  Ok, this does not end well.  I take a few days to think about it. Ok, he will definately NOT back down so I have to just accept that this is going to happen.  I know that Child #2 will be crazy excited so I make it VERY clear what kinds of rules need to be instilled in this child so that she doesnt kill us or some poor bystander. Flash forward.  Yesterday Child #2 gets home from school and Joe pulls her into the bedroom, closing the door.  They emerge with Child#2 grinning so big that I was sure her head would explode.  Gun in hand they trudged out to the back of the property to try her hand at shooting.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Out of about 20 shots, she hit the target 3 times.  Not too bad I guess for a first timer.

Ok, so I have 2 exams on Thursday and one on Friday so I'm all about studying the rest of the week. When I get back to posting I will have pictures of THE TREE. Promise.

Tata.

8:04 PM

How silly of me to think I would actually study. HA! Instead I wrapped presents, strung lights and helped Joe clean up the attic. Fabulous right?!  Oh and after dinner I made a very sad excuse for having to go to WalMart JUST. TO. GET. AWAY.  Thats how bad I dont want to study. I asked Joe if he would hate me if I got an F in Physics. He said of course not honey, you did your best. God I love him. hehe.

The big NEWS tonight.  I bought a size 8 and brought them home. I swear each pair of pants is becoming this whole adoption process for me. Will they like me? I wonder how long theyll stay?  So I rush to try them on when I get home, careful not to disturb the many tags hanging from them. Oh. Ugh. Wait. There we go. YEAH! I got those bitches on. Well, technically they're ON.  It looks like I've been poured into them and some of the liquid gelled around the waist. MUFFINTOP. Ew. I try tucking said muffin in and belting it. Nope. The minute I move the muffin creeps back out. Dangit! I'm wearing them as I type because I refuse to take them off without getting a picture and Joe isnt home yet.  This is a very big deal for me. Its a SINGLE digit ferchissake.  I was NEVER a single digit. Shit, I thought I was skinny when I was wearin a 12.  So I got out the tape measure and with the pants on my hip is at 43. Groan. Ideally I'd like to  lose another 7 inches in that area. Granted it is my TROUBLE area and I will have a harder time getting it offa there but I'm willin to work fer it!  My waist is down to 33 and I could live with getting it down to 26-28, I dont think thats outrageous. My chest is holding at a 34C and I could definately live with alittle less but if it doesnt change thats fine too. Anyway, I gotta jet.

Tata again.

I'm on the pole....uh I mean, poll.

Red onions, mushrooms, roast beef and some EVOO.  My new obsession.  I love it, it tastes.....normal i guess.  Its funny. If I chew up, say, a cookie......just to taste test of course.  As I chew it up, the more I chew it, the worse it tastes. No, it doesnt taste bad, it just tastes like....weird, i dunno. I wonder if I'm the only GBS gal who has this problem.  Let me know.

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At peace...for now.

I feel pretty good. Maybe because I weighed in at 155 this morning. Cool. Naw, that aint it. I guess the pressure of school is almost over and I can feel that being lifted off of me.  Whoosh. Yay.

Cute huh? Me, probably around puberty leaning on my Dads Corvette. Even then I had the child-bearing hips, Ugh!

Tata.

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Ohhhh, excitement.

Hey yall.  What a day I've had! I am so not into school this last week but I did my best today to do a half-way decent job on my Physics test.  I also finished off all of the PE crap I was supposed to finish by tomorrow and I'm actually going to go to class in the morning (even though I dont really HAVE to). I bought a new coat and scarf (thanks Dad) and want to show them off so I'll be in school tomorrow.  Dont judge my motivation, just be glad I'm going. Hehe.

Child #2 had her winter program tonight.  Child #1 and I sat in the back row because I never know if the noise will drive him round the bend.....I like to be near the back for an easy escape.  The place was packed.  I nodded to a few other bitches....uh I mean Moms as they filed past. You know, these women wouldnt give me the time of day when I was a big, fat slob.....now I guess I'm good enough to talk to. Uh, you know what I say to that shit.  Bitch, please. Anywho.  The show was called Mighty Minds and well, involved children with speaking parts and lots of singing. I attempted to get a picture from the back but when I reveiwed it on the camera, you couldnt see shit.  Sooooo I duck down and run up front, excusing myself to everyone I pass, kneel down and snap 2 pictures before this old woman grabs my coat and not-too-politely tells me to Get the F out of her way.  Uh sorry grandma, kiss the grandkids with that mouth? So, here is what I managed to get of her sitting on stage, singing.

She's the one with the greenest M in the front row.

Oh and for this show the teachers were all supposed to be superheroes. In this picture though, I'm afraid it looks alot like a White Power Rally.

Well, that was my night. We crashed back at the homestead and I ate Bruschetta on Triscuits until my guts said "WTF?" Which is 3 by the way. The kids are winding down and I plan on watching Food Network until my eyes burn. So goodnight all. Tata.

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157 is a lucky number.

Weight: 157

Well I dont wanna get too excited....but 157 for a few days in a row is promising.  My eating has been odd, totally my fault.

I wanna thank my Dad for making a very impromtu appearance.  We always love to see him and wish he would stay longer.  Thanks for dropping in Dad.

From the left: My Mom, Dad, Grampa Downey and me. What a motley bunch huh?! I love Grampa with the butt hangin out of his mouth. Classic.

Well, gotta run. Tata.

 

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Blah.

So, here I sit. After. After the fact. After the massive headache. After blowing my top?  Who's to say? My Dad took this as I sat trying to wade through Physics.  I'm more annoyed than I look.

 

 

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Draggin my feets.

6:20 am off the back porch.

I'm stalling. I dont want to write the rest of my debate. Ugh. I still have Physics to get done as well. I did however get my History finished. Yay.

I wanted to take some new pictures today but the memory card is full and I need to go to Walgreens to print them out.  Maybe later. Weighed 159 this morning. Ate 1/2 a Soup to Go, 5 pepperonis, 1/2 a cup of white bean chicken chili and a mini bag of popcorn.  This morning: 1 piece wheat toast with 1/2 a small banana. I dont usually do banana, it has reeked havoc on my belly in the past, but decided to give it another chance. So far so good.

I need to get to work dammit. Crap. Tata.

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Prickly stickly Friday

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

I say it to myself like a mantra. But. Is it really true?  I'm finding that its truer sometimes and other times.....uh, toss-up?  As I stood at the counter making Child#2's lunch, which was PBJ today, I had an overwhelming flashback/urge/nostalgic moment.  I wanted so badly to have that feeling that a good PBJ can give you. I can actually pull up specific memories of me eating PBJ's (is that weird?) and can almost taste the creaminess of the PB and the sweet stickiness of the J.  I'm a jackass, I know. There are a few key foods that do this to me. Just thought I'd share. Pffffth.

158 again this morning but I'm feeling bloated so I'm wearing my 12's.  I'm actually keeping all clothes from 14 down, no matter how small I get.  Its not me giving up, its me being smart.  Who knows......once I bottom out, I may have some regain. I'm a realist.  Saving the 14's is my way of saving myself money (possibly) in the future.

Well, time to go! Tata.

8:25 pm

my Cousin Jessica's new baby, Clyde. Awwwwwwwww.

Got my hair cut, on an impulse (uh oh), but refuse to post pictures until I come to terms with it. Maybe tomorrow.

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Another pound bites the dust.

Weight: 158

I had a bad eating day yesterday.  Skipped breakfast because my belly felt funny. I wasnt hungry so I waited till after my second class to eat anything. 1/2 a bag of Baked Lays.  For lunch I went to Ukrops for salad bar. It sat okay.  Around dinnertime I tried some tuna but after about 2 tablespoons my belly cramped and I foamed for an hour. Later I had a mini bag of popcorn.  Bad day all around.

Joe is leaving today to fly up to MN to visit his Mom.  She's having a hard time of it and wants her "Joey". I dont blame her, I miss him already. So I'll be here with kids for a week, alone.  Not that I really mind. There are always positive aspects of being sans spouse. #1 Complete control of the remote. #2 One less person to pick up after. #3 Significant savings on food. #4 I can sleep spread eagled/sideways/diagonally in the bed. #5 Go to the bathroom without closing the door. Hehe. I'm sure there are more but these are the ones that come to mind now.

I have so much school crap to get done this weekend, I really need to crack down on myself. I have to write a debate to be presented on Monday.  I have a Soc. test on Tuesday. I have a Physics test next Thursday. All of my online PE junk is due this weekend. Next week is the LAST week of school. Thank Dog! I will be so relieved to have a few weeks of not thinking. School starts on Jan 14th for the next semester, ugh.

Ok, enough for now. Tata.

6:30 pm

The kids last night, frozen solid.

The best shot I could get of Child#2 singing (she's top right).

My eating so far today. 1 apple (no skin), 2 almonds, 1/2 Subway veggie wrap, handful of pumpkin seeds, a frozen SouthBeach Diet meal (Pork and green beans).....I really never eat those things but was curious to see if I could eat one, so....I didnt eat it all but what I did eat went down okay. 

Just a note about all of the vegetation I've been eating. I love it. I. CANT. STOP. Even though I can predictably time my subsequent diarreah to the minute after eating any form of salad, I LOVE IT. Crunchy. Fresh. Light. Never ever makes me dump. My poor butt. I'm not gonna stop either dammit.

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Welcome to Hell.

You know how some people say "I live in the armpit of the world"?  Well, that doesnt quite qualify the nature of where I'm living at the moment.  I'd have to say that I'm living in the armpits' asshole of the world.  That is, if an armpit had an asshole. Does that make sense?  Ok, let me explain.

Tonight Child #2 had an "event" that we were asked (forced) to go to. Outdoors no less. I mean its only 30 degrees outside, cmon SUCK IT UP! So we toodle down to the " courthouse area" which is also downtown....the so-called hub of this hayseed community. Gathered around the staging area are a couple hundred other parents/children etc, teeth chattering as the wind whistles through the trees.  Jesusgoddamnitshit, lets hurry this shit up so I can get back in the fuggin car!  I smile at others through gritted teeth. Its dark and the rickety podium thats been set up sits off to the side. The sqealing of the portable mike directs our attention to said podium and a huge hulk of a man (the Rec director) greets us and yada yada yada....oh and informs us that the big-wigs that were supposed to show up tonight have sadly cancelled.  Theres a huge surprise. Anyway, Bubba rattles on and then asks another portly fella to give the invocation. The Reverend is so big he almost knocks down the miniscule podium and greedily grabs the mike, putting it so close to his lips I seriously thought he might start licking it like an ice cream. LET US PRAY.  The crowd is silenced and like the sheep that people are, they all bow their widdle heads.  My erect head suddenly seems like a neon bulb with heathen blinking on it.  I slouch and pull Child #1 closer to me so I can lean on him. (for warmth AND cover) This guy was not prepared, you could tell, he was praying for this and that in no logical order.  He had that deer in the headlights look, not inspiring confidence Rev, good thing everyone who cares is staring at their feet. Yada yada yada, in Jezus name. AMEN.  Bubba pats the Rev on the back and says into the mike "Thanks BUCKY." I SHIT YOU NOT. Bucky. The minute he said it, a giant bubble of laughter escaped my lips......not at all the quiet titter I would have hoped for. HAAA! And it was pretty silent so it got quieter for a few seconds after the HA escaped.  I just stood there with that goofy grin hanging on my face as people gave me looks of disgust.  I did what any normal mother would do.....I blamed it on my kid. Avery! You be quiet! Wagging my finger in his face (like he even understood what the hell just happened) On being admonished he says "Bad boy." and I just gently nod as people get back to freezing their asses off. Dont judge me dammit. Child #2 is herded onto the stage with her peers and I see that the choir director has stripped her of her earmuffs and gloves. WTF? Child #2 is having a hard time singing because of the intense shivering and blueness of her lips. I shake my head and realize I can no longer feel my feet. The 2 songs sung, the choir is told to exit the stage. I push my way through the crowd and grab Child #2, "Lets go before I lose my ability to think." She doesnt put up a fight. I think she is in the early stages of hypothermia.  We shuffle back to the car and leave without incident. "We're missing the tree lighting Mommy." To which I reply..."Its a friggin tree with stupid white lights on it baby, if you really want to see it, I'll drive you by it tomorrow." "Cool."

I took 3 pictures during this event and they all turned out badly. Go figure.

Finally in a 10.....someone pinch me!

Me in my size 10's.  Ugh. The hips and thighs are still hugemungous!  Theyre so big that it makes me look knocked-kneed.....seriously.  A rare moment with my hair down too.

I havent started putting up all the X-Mas stuff yet, I'm seriously dreading it.  We decided on "Less is More" this year but I know that Joe will end up going hog wild again with the lights. I dont care, as long as I'm not the one on the ladder. My X-Mas shopping is progressing well and I probably only have about five or six more things to get.  Yay me!

Anyway, I'm off to another joyous day at school. Tata.

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Lazy Sunday

Didnt weigh this morning, I mean whats the point right?  I'm still on a high from yesterdays 159, why ruin it?

Ate 3 bacon and 1 toast with non-dairy butter and apricot jam.  Today I am in search of non-dairy cheese. I MISS DA CHEEEEESE!  Especially on a nice potato or in a tortilla. (pout).  Also, no more vegetable matter for at least a day. Criminy.  Dont have to worry about constipation, thats for sure. I guess the beans dont help either. 

I stopped washing my hair daily.  Its not like it needs it anyway.  Hair loss is at a standstill for the moment.  I'm not liking the color anymore, its too red. 

Anyway, I gotta run to WalMart. Tata.

More pictures? No way!

  

 Taken today.  I've come to the conclusion that I am just not very photogenic.  Specifically my hips, they hate the camera ( or me ).

Weight this morning was (drumroll)..............159 lbs!!! Woohoo! I'm fairly happy.

Today I ate: 1 bottle of lemon water, tiny salad (lettuce, small bit of diced tomato, some shredded carrot) with vinagrette, 1/2 bean burrito and 3 bites of chili and rice (which is kicking my ass right now).  I'm planning on more water and probably some seeds later.

I served left-overs again tonight and Joe has managed to eat ALL of the turkey, most of the stuffing, half of both potato dishes and the green bean dish.  He just finished off the pecan pie and is now on his second piece of sweet potato pie.  I think he has a death wish.  Its at times like these that I'm glad I cant eat like I used to, shovelling in as much as I could until I was too tired to eat anymore.  I do miss the taste of the foods but I just remind myself that I tasted those foods for 40 years, I KNOW what they taste like.

Anyway, gotta go. Tata.

 

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Thankful

Remember this person?  God, I can hardly believe that was me last July.  I am thankful that it isnt me anymore.  Thats all I wanted to say today. Tata.

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Happy Tuna Day!

Apple, sweet potato and pecan. Looks good right?  The only one I made from scratch was the pecan (Joes favorite). I fed them all about an hour ago, after slaving alone in the kitchen since 8:30 am. I made some spectacular dishes.  I couldnt eat any of it. I had 3 oz of tuna and a raw green bean. I'm FULL! Ha!

Its BEE-YOU-TIFF-FUL here today, feels like spring.

Thats our backyard. The brown line on the ground is where Joe laid the cable to put electricity to the shed. I was hoping for more fall colors but its been windy lately so all of the leaves are on the ground now.

Anyway, thats about it for now. Tata.

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More dumping drama

No. More. Kashi. Waffles.     EVER.  Headache, spinning head, nausea and cold sweats......all during my first class.  And of course I sit about 5 feet in front of my prof.  He stares at me (as I try to act normally) and says "You Okay?" "You look alittle green."  I nod and weakly smile, Oh no, I'm fine. Didnt get my morning coffee, I quip, trying to get him to go away and let me concentrate on breathing through my mouth.  He chuckles and THANK DOG, leaves me alone. I check the time and find its safe for me to chug some water now.  We wanna wash that  Bad, bad, bad food away!  By my next class I'm better and no worse for wear.

So today I ingested: 1 evil Kashi waffle from hell, 4 pieces bacon, about 1 cup of various raw veggies, fruits w/ Tbs of vinigarette, bean burrito (1/2), pumpkin seeds (i swear I could live on these things), avacado with tomatoes.  Thats it and its almost 7:30pm.

FOUR days off!!!! Woohoo!  Time for a movie! Tata!

Lots of stuff and pictures!

    

I'm not really happy with these pictures. I look rather lumpy and that shirt does nothing for my boobs. Take my word, I look better in person.

Me and Syd.

I had 3 tests today, WTF? The shitty thing was I didnt remember 2 of them and so I toodle in completely unprepared. Typical.  Have I mentioned that my hair is falling out in massive amounts? I think I did at some point. Well, its becoming a nuisance. Hair on the floors, in the food, all over everyone in the house. I swear I'm like SpiderLady, my hair acting as my web.  My husband asked me what I could do to stop it.  Shave my head.  He just stared at me, like he was considering it.  Ass.

This Thanksgiving I'm cooking cuisine instead of typical turkey dinner. Why not? I mean I wont be able to eat ....uh.....almost none of it.  Everything will have butter, cream, milk, etc etc.  Its been so hard to adjust to cutting out all dairy.....I wont bore you with more whining. (picture me sobbing)  Ok, so since Joe is going to be home this weekend I'm hoping to get some X-Mas shopping done BY MYSELF.  Without kids.  I dread going shopping on Black Friday or the weekend following but I really have to take the time when I can get it.  I'm limited in what we can afford this year because we're going to be spending most of our money on going to Minnesota for X-Mas.  Driving up there is going to be miserable, I'm hoping that it isnt hellaciously cold but I know that is too much to ask for.  The hotel will have an indoor heated pool at least.  I'm looking forward to seeing my SIL and everyone but its going to be a very emotional holiday.  Anyway, my MIL will have her family there and thats what she wants.  I'm not sure when we're leaving, maybe around Dec. 20th or so.  I do know we'll be back before New Years.

Today I ate: 1/2 bowl oatmeal, 1 snack bag Baked Lays, plain bean burrito....only ate about 1/2 tortilla, handful pumpkin seeds and 2 meat/bean tacos (lettuce, lime juice, tomato)  I SWOOSHED (not the same as dumping) about 1/2 an hourafter eating dinner and immediately HAD to sleep.  I dont know why that happens but it hits fast and I was asleep within 5 minutes.  An hour later I was fine and drank a bottle of water.  I may have a popsicle later.

I wanted to give measurements. The last set was Oct 7 and I was 178 lbs.

Oct 7        178 lbs                                  Nov. 20   161 lbs.                                           

Neck   13.75                                           13.25

Arm     12                                                12

Boob    41                                               39

Under Boob   35                                      34

Hip       45                                                43

Thigh     25                                              23.5

Calf       15.25                                         15

Ankle       10                                            10

7.25 inches lost since Oct. Nice.  I'm in a size 12 but bet I'll fit a 10 by X-Mas. Yay me!

Well, I gotta go. Tata.

 

Conflict and Something Sinks In.

Weight: 161

Ate: 3 bacon, 1/2 Kashi waffle, sunflower seeds, 1/2 veggie wrap.  Thats it so far and its almost 4pm. 

While at Subway with the family I ask Joe to get Avery some cookies (Avery lives on 4 foods basically so if I can get a cookie in him, its a good day).  Joe comes back with 6.  Well, last night we had this huge discussion about his weight and how crappy he was feeling and how he was going to CUT OUT bad foods ie: sweets.  He eats 2 of the cookies and after Avery is done with his, he eats the leftovers.  I'm disappointed and just sit there disgusted. He gets mad, I get mad....yada yada yada.  The car is silent on the way home.  He talks a big game but I dont think he's going to change until he has a massive heart attack.  I'm not mentioning it again.....ever. His BMI is around 37 and climbing. Just out of curiousity I logged all his food on Fitday just to see how much he was eating.  At 3pm he already had 2351 calories, 123g Fat, 268 carbs and 78g protein.  Add in dinner and his late-night feeding before bed and he'll be up to at least 3,000.  I forgot beer too. I dont know whether or not he'll be drinking later so it could go way over 3K.

I have 2 pairs of 14's (which are pretty loose) and 1 pair of 12's (which I wear almost every day now).  I'm going to buy a pair of 10's......I cant believe I'm even SAYING that.  I AM going to BUY a pair of size 10'S for ....MYSELF???? Holy crap. I might have worn a 10 in Middle school, maybe.  I cant fathom it. The funny thing is I still feel like I'm big.  It takes me a minute to realize I CAN cross my legs (and not at the ankle like I used to) actually I can cross my legs UNDER most tables now. DAMN. I only have 21 more pounds till I'm at goal.  That puts me in the normal catagory, no more overweight.  Wow.

Ok, well, I have to run. Tata.

Salad cleans house

Weight this morning: 162

I credit the loss to all the vegetable matter I have ingested over the last couple of days.  It came back to haunt me this morning, early, and I wound up sitting on the throne for the good part of an hour. Will this teach me a lesson?  I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Ate yesterday:  3 bacon / 1 Kashi waffle, 5 almonds, 1 subway veggie wrap, handful of corn chips, 6 french fries, 4 bites of not-chicken dirty rice and 1 mini bag popcorn.  1/2 cup sunflower seeds, shelled.  So its like 600 calories according to Fitday.

My hair is dropping out by the handfuls.  It started about 2 weeks ago and has escalated.  I cant brush/wash/touch my hair without ending up with a handful.  There are huge hair balls throughout the house, like tumbleweeds.  My husband asked me if it would grow back. Uh, damn, I hope so.  I'm thinking of cutting it shorter, just to stem the amount of tumbleweeds. 

Taking the kids to make a "toy list" today.  I have no idea what to get them so we'll be walking through Toys R Us to see what strikes their fancies. Sounds fun huh?.

Ok, well, I should get moving. Tata.

2:41 pm

After Toys R Us we go to Walmart to get our weekly food shopping done.  Earlier I had eaten half of an egg and half of a turkey sausage, the other half was wrapped up in the car.  Before we got to Walmart I nibbled alittle more.  Got our cart and started shopping.  Well Syd wanted to look at the video games and in this Walmart its kinda sectioned off so that you have a harder time shoplifting the really good stuff I guess.  I'm standing there looking at something and suddenly my stomach cramps, BADLY.  I'm gonna hurl.  My mouth starts that hyper-watering and I cant swallow it or I definately WILL vomit. I start to sweat and with the bathroom too far away I kneel down and spit a giant puddle of spit onto the floor.  (In a corner where I was pretty sure no one would slip in it) Oh my dog! My mouth is refilling fast and I dont know if I'm gonna make it all the way up front to the bathroom.  I just start walking, FAST. I cant say anything to the kids cause my mouth is full of spit, seriously full. I have to almost run, with my 10 year old almost in tears because she doesnt know whats wrong. Thank goodness there was a stall open because .....well......I kinda made it.  What the hell was that????  I sat in the bathroom for awhile, collecting myself and making sure I wouldnt have to jog back again as soon as I left. Its funny cause my daughter said she thought I was having a heart attack. I said Why would I run to the bathroom if I was having a heart attack???  So, we get back to shopping (my knees all jello-y) and by aisle 5 I had the foamies.  Luckily I had the fore-thought to bring plenty of paper towels from the bathroom so I just ejected the foam into the towels and continued to shop.  That was the first time I've ever had that violent of a reaction in PUBLIC. Ugh. It sucked and to Walmart .....I'm sorry I spit on your floor.

Another Friday

I think my body just realized whats happening to it.  It feels like my appetite is back in full force.  I dont give in to it most of the time but I'm definately eating more calories daily. (prolly like 800-1000 per day now)  My weight has hit a plateau and I've been hanging out in the 164-6 area for some time now.  I imagine that if I kicked up my exercise that I would get more movement but, well.....that would require effort, HA! Hopefully once this period is out of the way my weight will continue downward.

About 3 weeks of classes left and then a week of exams (joy).  I will be so happy to NOT be going to school for awhile.  Classes start again in January (i think) and I've decided to continue.  I'll be taking Developmental Psych, Statistics, Art and (drumroll please) Marriage and Family.  Sounds like an easy load right?  Dont be fooled.

Well, I must go get Avery now. Tata.

Feeding frenzy

Wow. I think I'm definately PMSing because my eating has gone insane.  I'm HUNGRY.  A few weeks ago I could care less if I even saw food, now I'm famished all day.  Not to fear. I'm making fairly good choices.  This morning I was late for school so I got a egg white/turkey sausage biscuit on the way.  I only ate the egg and sausage, the biscuit was doughy and tasted like ass.  Then I ate a small cup of melon.  For lunch I had a cup of bean soup.  On the way home I was crazy hungry so I stopped at Subway and got a veggie wrap.  I couldnt eat too much of the wrap but the insides were awesome.  Snacked on sunflower seeds while I made dinner.  I had some grilled chicken left over so I blended it up with a piece of tomato, Miracle whip and a piece of green onion till it was really fine chunks.  Toasted a piece of double fiber wheat bread and ate about half. (Note: OUCH.  Not nice at all, huuuuuurrrrrrtttttssssss.) Remind me not to do that again.

Ok, thats it for now. Tata.

Wednesday

Hello.  Not much new here, just plugging along.  Emotionally I'm feeling more "even-keel", I may have just needed a distraction.  My MIL is trying to come to terms with her illness and she calls daily.  I try and stay very positive and keep her mind from running wild.  Its really too bad that we dont live closer.

I cant believe how warm it is going to be today. 75. Amazing for this time of year.

Anyway, I'm off to school. Tata.

Boring Sunday.

I've been researching Lung cancer like crazy.  Went to Books A Million and bought two books on lung cancer and chemo. ( I was eating my lunch as I was typing this and went way too fast, had to get up and yak into the sink and then walk around the living room till all the bubbles came out. joy. ) Anyway, I have alot of information for her but there isnt any good in it.  I dont know how I'm going to explain it all.

Spent the last of my birthday money today at Target.  Underwear, cookie racks and a food processor. Yay. I dont think I ever stretched an amount of money that far.  I bought a huge amount of stuff with it since my b-day. Thanks again Daddy.

Ok, well, I'm off to read. Tata.

Food issues.

164 again this morning, although I am wearing a size 12 now.  My BMI is now in the overweight catagory rather than obese.....whooppeee.  Yesterday I ate:

1 Kashi waffle

4 tiny dill pickles

8 almonds

2 oz beans with a few corn chips

1 peeled apple

3 small brushetta  (very thin french bread toasted with tomatoes and garlic on top.)

I tried some chicken as well but knew after the first bite that it wouldnt sit well.  Not the best day but I have to tell ya, I've had much worse.  I feel like I'm having more luck at keeping stuff down/ not getting sick so I'm eating more regularly.  The totals are probably not exactly right because Fitday doesnt have the exact foods I've been eating in their database.  600 calories, 21 g Fat, 93 g Carb and 16 g Protein.  Please dont write me and say "You arent eating enough Protein!"  I know this and I'm working on it.  And I know my carbs are high, I'm working on that too.

Bad news

Yesterday they opened up my MIL to remove the cancer on her lung.  Once they got in there they found that her whole lung was affected so they closed her back up.  She has inoperable lung cancer and we are devastated.  They will be putting her on chemo and radiation in hopes of shrinking the cancer.  The doctors told us that she has a 5-10% chance of survival.  We are still in shock. I will know more tomorrow.

6:30 pm

Spoke to my SIL after I posted.  The cancer is not only on her whole lung but also her chest wall and diaphram.  It is inoperable stage IIIB cancer.  Joe didnt want to talk to SIL and is taking it very hard.  MIL wants us to come up there for XMas, I dont know if we will be able to afford it, Joe may have to go by himself.

Viva Taco!

I was making the family hard shell tacos last night and I was damn hungry.  With complete abandon I decided "I'm gonna have a friggin taco" knowing full well I could spend the rest of the night writhing in pain. Didnt care.  Hard shell, seasoned beef, refried beans, lettuce, avacado, salsa and alittle lime.  Ate slow and Oh My Dog was it good.  After finishing I sat, waiting for a reaction.  Nope.  Yay!  I wont make a habit of it of course, cause I'm a chicken. Ha!

Bought a pair of size 12 jeans yesterday, figuring that they wont fit for at least another month or so.  Wrong!  Got them home and can actually get them up and fasten them (with abit of muffin-top).  I wont wear them until they fit better, probably another couple of weeks.

Joe's mom is going in for her lunch cancer surgery today.  They are going to cut in through her back to remove the lower lobe.  She'll find out if its aggressive or not after the surgery.  If it is then she'll have to have chemo as well.

I have a Physics test this morning, oh joy.  I better go have a look at it before I leave for school. Tata.

food

1 cup mixed fruit.

1 potato (plain)

3 Tbsp Italian dressing.

1 avacado

1 Tbsp Pinto beans

1 slice turkey with mustard

40 oz water

So far thats it and its 7pm.  I'm gonna suck another 20 oz water down and maybe eat some peaches before bed.

 

 

Dumping. It isnt just for trucks anymore.

Had a mini - dump today. Boy do I loveeeee those.  Kinda just takes all the strength out of you, gets you nice and sweaty and gives you a sorta kinda headache.  Gravy! Following this I tell my kids "Leave Mommy alone now, she's trying not to dry heave."  My daughter just rolls her eyes.  So I took the easy way out tonight and made frozen chicken nuggets (which is almost never since I'm on this from-scratch-I -Wanna-Be-Paula-Dean- kick ) Uh, I use much less butter though, hehe.

My Physics professor spent an hour today tutoring me and I swear the man thinks I'm partially retarded.  I dont know what it is about the subject but it just isnt sinking in.  I wanted to stay longer but he kicked me out. I bet he's regretting putting that sign up sheet on his door now ( my name is on every day). I want a C in that damn class.

That's enough for now. Tata.

Tiny menu

Intake yesterday:

4 oz. chocolate soy milk

Kashi waffle

handful of popcorn

1/2 small order meat/beans nachos

4 tiny dill pickles

7 french fries with mustard

Sucks, i know.  I really am trying but when I think of protein my stomach just clenches.  I'm eating oatmeal this morning and will force down some lunchmeat today.

The hair turned out ok, Joe likes it.  Oh and 165 this morning, wheeee.

Thats it for now. Tata.

More bitching.

Coloring my hair today.  Going dark red.  I'll post a picture once it dries. 

Yesterday I made some questionable food choices.  What is it with Taco Bell? It calls to me.  I hate their beans but the Nachos sans cheese taste so damn good.  Meat, beans and chips.  Problem is....I eat too fast (because of the OH MY DOG these are good factor) and eat too much (by too much I mean half a small order).  I must be on the low end of the learning curve too because I've done it twice in 3 days. Stoopid.

I noticed this morning that my backside has slid partways down the back of my thighs.  Good grief.  No wonder it always feels like I'm sitting in a bowl of jello. 

Today I will attempt to take the kids to Bee Movie. I'm hoping for a deserted theater but know its going to be madness.  I hate the mall.  Anyway, time to go get something done. Tata.

I MISS DAIRY DAMMIT!!!!

Biggest regret of RNY??? Now I'm allergic to all dairy.  Seriously. Not just "lactose intolerant". ALLERGIC!  Kills me.  I was the queen of all dairy before surgery. I dont think I had a meal that didnt include some form of the creamy goodness.  Soy sucks.  I just drank 4 oz. of Continents Soy chocolate milk and......so far my stomach isnt queasy. I say so far because it usually takes an hour or so to be sure.  At least this one didnt taste like chocolate ass crack and its a Light version so the calories are acceptable.  Shit, I need the calories anyway.  On average I'm eating 500 a day so I guess a few extra wont hurt me now.  I was looking for a soy cheese (because dammit I MISS CHEESE!) and every brand says the same thing on the back "CONTAINS LACTOSE". Uh. Lactose? If its made of soy why does it have friggin lactose in it???! Stupid lactose. 

Short story: The old man was working on the electrical shit in the house yesterday and it was getting close to dinner.  Me: I have to cook soon. Can you please turn the power on? HIM: No. I got more shit to do. Why dont you go get some pizza?  Me: I have pizza in the freezer dammit! I dont want to spend $30 on take out! HIM: Tough shit. Its either that or PB and J.  So my kids start whining and yep....we drive into town for pizza.  Of course I cant eat pizza, being that it will KILL me (but I'm not bitter or anything).  I wasnt having an issue until we get in the car with the take out boxes and the smell of freshly cooked pizza coupled with hot wings fills the car with a scent so intoxicating I was considering how sick I would possibly get from one piece.  Sad right?  We get home and I've sort of come to my senses.  While they pig out I have avacado and salsa, my stomach cursing me with every bite. My rational mind says "DUMMY, this is how your ass got so fat to begin with." And I know this but it doesnt make it any easier.

I'm officially 166 lbs this morning (wake, pee, strip, weigh) and I should be crazy happy right? Dont care. Really. The scale could have read 120 and I would have had the same reaction. Ho hum.  I dont think the Zoloft is working.  I'm still disinterested in school and watch Food Network any chance I get.  Most of the day my head feels too fuzzy to even bother trying to think.  I'm taking my vitamin, my Os-cal and my B-12 daily.  I dont drink nearly enough waterand my protein intake sucks mostly but I'm trying to improve (i swear).  Why do I always feel like I'm whining about the same crap every day. I'm pathetic.

Anyway, enough for now. Tata.

TGIF i guess

No matter how much I drink it feels like its not enough.  Every morning I chug a 20 oz bottle before breakfast, I drink another during my first class and try to get another down on the way home.  Why does it feel like I only pee once a day? Except at night, when I'm up every 15 minutes of course.  I'm still on the Macrobid for the infection but I have an odd feeling that once I finish it I'll get another.  Call it womens intuition.

I've eaten new foods lately.  Dill pickles, cous cous, aspargus, and meat and bean nachos (no cheese).  I'm still only eating 5 or 6 bites.  I pushed it the other day and got that "OWWW" in my chest.  Bad monkey, no more nachos for you.

I've noticed that after lunch (usually only happens then) I get sorta sickish/tired.  No matter what I eat, I feel the need to lie down.  It isnt dumping....I dont know what it is.  After an hour or so I'm better but feel alittle "hungover", like my stomach is sore.  Its a real bitch and I hope it stops soon.

My attitude has improved (you can thank the Zoloft for that) but I'm still not feeling like myself.  My cooking impulse has calmed down.  I'm doing more homework.  There's still something wrong with me though.

Anyway, its Friday. Yay. Joe is working all weekend so its me and the kids. (Picture my excitement) Bye for now. Tata.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Yesterday was the big 40 and it started out okay.  I went to my first two classes and then began to feel really ill. Ended up leaving before Physics, not good.  Came home and slept for a couple of hours, felt better.  Had some time to myself so I went out to buy some pants, found one pair.  Got a call from my Dad while I was shopping.  Went home and Joe and the kids had bought me a new strainer, a cake pan, a huge measuring cup and a watch.  It was nice.  I watched Heroes, ate some pinto beans and hit the hay at 11.  I'm a party animal huh. Oh, and 168 lbs this morning. Wheeeeeee.

Tata.

Another week in Hell

Well, here I am....at the end of a very bad week.  Just when it seems nothing else can go wrong.....well, you'd think I'd know better.  Another kidney infection.  Yep.  Fun huh?!  More antibiotics!  Also Avery has come down with some mystery sickness that caused him to throw up at school in Friday.  He's been sleeping the whole weekend.....no fever, no other symptoms...he just wants to sleep. Weird. 

I managed to get motivated enough yesterday to start on my next big speech due on the 31st.  Not writing the actual speech but making the AV poster that has to accompany it.  Oh and I also finished the bibliography.  So now all I have to do is write the friggin damn speech.  I was supposed to be studying all weekend for my giant history test tomorrow......have I?.......of course not.  I'll force myself to as soon as I run out of other things to do.  Arrrrgh.

I went to the shrink on Thursday and boy was that the shits.  He looked at my intake and without asking me any questions, wrote me a perscription for Zoloft.  Huh?  I said I dont really want any drugs.  And I swear he looked at me like I had just spit in his face.  You DONT want drugs?  Uh, no....I really just wanted to talk to someone.  I swear I thought he was gonna say "Well, we dont do that here." HA! Anyway, he was an ass so I made an appointment to see someone who does the talking kind of therapy.

I still feel like "not myself".  I'm hoping that over time this will resolve itself.  I'm seriously considering taking a semester off so that I can get myself straight before I ruin my 4.0 GPA.  It may be for the best even though Joe thinks its a really bad idea.  He's afraid I'll quit and wont go back.  I'm still not sure what I'm gonna do.

Anyway, thats it for now. Oh I weighed in at 170 again this morning. I think I've hovered around 170 for most of October now. Hmmmm.

Tata.

Hump Day

Today is my Moms birthday and she's 62.  I called her this morning at 6 am (7 her time) and I'm hoping that made up for not getting her a card.  I'm a terrible daughter.

I'd like to thank my Dad for his generous birthday donation.  As always he sends me exactly what I want, money. HA! Thanks Dad, you rock.

I have a speech to give today and I'm dreading it.  Oh and I got a 60 on my last Physics test, way to go huh.  Anyway, school is depressing.

Tata.

Cooking, my new obsession.....uh, I need a bigger family to feed.

Sydney 10/20/07

I had the last 2 days off and got literally nothing done.  Oh well.  So today and tomorrow I will probably do much of the same. How cool is that? HA!

I cooked a great new dish last night. A baked sausage ziti with a rosemary pesto bread.  I had a bite of each because I couldnt resist tasting it (didnt swallow of course) and man was it good.  I also cooked an apple oat cake that was a real hit, the good thing is it is very low cal, low fat.  Tonight I'm making a twist on an old favorite, creamed peas on toast.  Mine will have tuna in it and I'll make my own sourdough bread for the base.  For dessert I'll make a cheesecake cup, theyre fairly small because theyre rich as hell.  I found a great recipe for Mexican Stuffed Tomatoes that I may try next week, although I'll have to change it abit.  It uses pimentos and chopped hot peppers which I dont think the family will appreciate.  I can substitute with sweet peppers, they sell a pickled mix that they like at Walmart.

Ok, well, I suppose I should go do something. Tata!

Friday

We are very relieved to find out that Joe's Moms cancer is just the one spot on her lung.  Isnt that funny?  We're RELIEVED that she only has cancer in one place. She'll be going up to the Mayo Clinic in a week or so to have it biopsied.  From there I guess there will be a surgery.  She is hoping it will be as simple as cutting it out, with no follow-up chemo.  I guess its just a waiting game now.

I weighed myself late this morning (I had already drank a whole bottle of water and eaten toast/egg/jam) so it turned out to be 175.  I dont really care too much, I know tomorrow it will be back down.  I find I can tolerate an egg as long as its kinda sucked up by the toast, kinda like french toast and then cooked just so it isnt runny.  If the egg gets dry it kills me. I have some Polaner Sugar-Free Strawberry jam and although it tastes funky (after-taste) I put a tablespoon on top.  I ate about 6 bites, didnt want to push my luck.  Lately I've had a thing for avacados and pinto beans but I had to take a break because apparently too much of those items can cause bad diarreah. Oooops.  Back to soup for awhile.

School has been torturous.  History and Physics are killing me.  I'm officially failing History with a 68 average and just hanging on in Physics with a 72.  I dont know what to say, I'm just as horrified as you.

I have the day off today and will probably clean or watch TV even though I have planned to do a bunch of school stuff. 

Anyway, Tata.

Oh boy....Pictures!

    

Well, here I am again, fully clothed this time.  I think the camera definately added some weight cause I look enormous here.  These were taken about a week ago.  I weigh 173 as of this morning.  A loss of  67 pounds and only 33 more pounds to goal!  I ate 1/4 bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, beans and weiners for lunch (only ate about 3 weiners, they're yukky.) and 1/4 cup of pumpkin seeds for a snack.  Havent decided on dinner yet. 

It finally rained here today, alittle.  Maybe for 20 minutes it was a heavy sprinkle. I mean the sky is black right now but NO rain.  My grass looks awful.

Tonight we should hear from Joe's Mom.  She had her scans today looking for more cancer and they are supposed to give her the results right away.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Anyway thats about it. Tata!

Not too bad for 40 right?! My neck got abit baggy and deflated but I knew that would happen! My forehead is wrinkly because I'm looking up at the camera and trying not to blink! Argh!

Another Wednesday and bad news

I cant believe that in just 12 days I'll be 40.  Weird.  I really only have about 25 years left to get anything done.  And thats if I can avoid cancer or some other debilitating illness.  I really dont feel 40, although I dont know what 40 is supposed to feel like.  I think I'm thinking more about death because last night my sister-in-law called to tell us Joe's mother was in the hospital and may have cancer. Lung cancer.  The woman didnt smoke a day in her life.  Joe called her and she was pretty much hysterical.  Shit, I dont blame her, I would be too.  Today she'll go in for more testing to see if she has it in any of her other organs. Joe is very upset as well and if it turns out that she has more than one cancer, he'll fly out to spend some time with her.  I dont blame him, I cant imagine it happening to my mom.

Anyway, I have to run. Tata.

I'm back....bet you didnt even know I was gone huh?!

My computer had a melt-down and after 2 trips to Best Buy, I managed to fix it myself.  Those Geek Squad guys get paid way too much.  I did, however, find out that one of the fans is broken and that is a bad thing long-term.  He said it could burn up my hard drive.  Oh and he also tried to sell me $80 bucks of software while he was at it. Dumbass.

I'm at 175 but feel smaller.  I'm in a 14 but only have one pair, so I wear my "big girl" pants most days.  I bought a few smaller t-shirts, Large, and even some of those seem big.  My collar bones protrude and I have a jaw line.  I am growing bat wings but don't care too much.  My boobs have shrunk considerably which is fine with me.

Thats it for now. Tata.

Not much to say

I ate under 500 calories today.  Not good.  My eating sucks.  I should be eating chicken but it makes my stomach cramp.  I'm going to try better tomorrow, I swear. 

Measurement comparison

August 2nd   Weight= 209                                Oct 7     Weight= 178

Neck     15                                                                       13.75

Arm     15                                                                           12

Boob     44.5                                                                      41

Under Boob   38.5                                                              35

Waist     38.5                                                                       34

Hip     50.25                                                                        45

Thigh     28                                                                            25

Calf     17                                                                             15.25

Ankle     10                                                                          9.75

That's 31 inches overall lost in about 2 months. Thats funny because its also 31 pounds lost in the same timeframe. I have 38 pounds left to lose before I get to my first goal, 140 pounds. Well, writing that down really makes it real.  Only 38 left, unbelievable. Overall I feel pretty good.  Yesterday someone actually called me "regular sized"......doesnt sound like much but to me it means I'm no longer the biggest ass in the room. Yay me.

Is it today already?

Finished my latest round of antibiotics today, thank goodness.  The pills were tearing my poor stomach up.  I feel okay ( I say that tentively) and am just taking it one day at a time.  I bought some vanilla protein powder to try and up my protein intake per day.  I have to say, I made this milk/powder/banana shake this morning and had a hard time getting even half of it down.  It tasted putrid, uber-sweet and too banana-y.  Will try other combinations because I just need to find some way to keep my body from eating itself. I'm down to 178 as of this morning. My brain function has improved for short periods of time, I guess thats better than total shutdown.  I still find that I have NO motivation to study and Joe has taken it apon himself to give me a shove now and then. 

Anyway, gotta go get dinner ready. Tata.

Tuesday

That's me.  Confuzed monkey.  My brain isnt working right, its like theres pudding where my grey matter used to be.  I went over my bloodwork and know that I'm anemic, no big deal.  The big deal is a few of my other values, the ones about blood and cell production, are not good.  I think it can be attributed to my low protein intake but I'm not sure.  I'm adding an extra vitamin and may buy some new supplements next payday.  My kidney feels better today.  I'm drinking alot of water and will start adding lemon juice to it, the acid in the lemons will keep other infections away.

School is ok, I kind of just muddle through, trying to pay attention and yet my mind cant seem to focus. Its scary and frustrating.

Anyway, time to go. Tata.

Muddled Brain

My insomnia has returned, so here I sit.  I'm worried about this coming week.  Worried that this infection is more than just a UTI and when I call my doc he's going to want me to come in. That would suck. So I worry.  I worry about my stomach/eating/drinking too.  Lately it seems I can only eat soup or cantelope without getting sick.  I tried tuna tonight and after 2 bites I had to lie down. Pain. Sucks.

Two of my friends at school have told me that I've changed personality-wise.  This comes a week or so after my own husband said the exact same thing to me.  I still feel like I have foggy brain or something.  I'm trying to be the same jovial old me, I dont know whats wrong.

Well, that was sure uplifting huh?! I guess I'll hit the hay. Tata.

Is it possible I'm cursed?

Yesterday we ventured up to the State Fair.  Thought it would be fun (albeit expensive) day for the kids.  Beautiful day. Ready to have fun!  We got there around 11 am and at 11:30 I started feeling pain in my lower left back.  I ignored it and attempted to just enjoy the day. By 5 pm I was no longer able to ignore it and we were forced to leave.  We drove to the ER and they hydrated me, gave me pain meds and did an x-ray.  Another infection.  Gave me pain meds and antibiotic and were home by 8:30.  I'll have to call my urinary doc on Monday.  Today I feel ok, the pain is gone and I havent taken any pain meds since last night. I was down to 181 the other day but since they pumped me full of fluids I'm back up to 183.

Anyway, thats it for now. Tata.

Tuesday night and (drumroll) ....183!

You heard me right....183.  I also think my regularity is figuring itself out, (insert sigh of relief here).  Today I ate AM: 1 cup dry wheat cheerios  AMish: a few nuts  Noon: Wendys chili  PM: Soup  PMish: cantalope and half a Luna bar.  Not much walking but I did finally buy a pair of running shoes.  Will wear them tomorrow.  Down to a size 14 but cant afford to buy any new clothes right now so I am wearing the 16's and I swear I look like I'm wearing clown pants.

Took Sydney to the ER tonight. She jammed her finger yesterday during dodge-ball at school.  It didnt look that bad so I made her sleep on it.  This morning it was about the same but she could move it so I sent her to school with the fingers taped.  She bitched about it when she got home so ended up taking her in.  Of course it's broken.  She's so excited.  I'm not.  The doc said because of where the break is she has to see a bone specialist.  Crap.

Ok, thats it for now. Tata!

Shield your eyes.

    At the pool in June 07.

5'3" 240 pounds.

       At home Sept. 07.

5'3" 185 pounds.

Just thought I'd show a comparison. Some people were bitching that I wasnt posting any pictures so here they are.  I threw that bathing suit away, I dont think I'll ever wear something that ugly again.  So the big difference is in my head and neck and I can really tell.  No more feeling like I'm suffocating when I lie down and I can actually bend over and touch my toes. Wheeeee! My skin has dramatically cleared up....I dont know what its from, I'm guessing the GBS helped alot.  My thighs and back used to be hard as rocks (plump with fat) and now, well, theyre very soft and mushy.  My skin has also become really dry, esp on my hands and feet.  Anyway, thats the horror show, thanks for watching.

Oh, I ate half an English muffin with a tad of Staw jam this morning and it went well.  I had to toast it twice so it would be nice and dry, and ate very slow.  Last night ate 1/3 of a Luna bar and kept that down too!

Got a B- on my last Physics test and am very happy about it.  Have lots of work to do this weekend so I gotta go! Tata!