Muddled Brain

My insomnia has returned, so here I sit.  I'm worried about this coming week.  Worried that this infection is more than just a UTI and when I call my doc he's going to want me to come in. That would suck. So I worry.  I worry about my stomach/eating/drinking too.  Lately it seems I can only eat soup or cantelope without getting sick.  I tried tuna tonight and after 2 bites I had to lie down. Pain. Sucks.

Two of my friends at school have told me that I've changed personality-wise.  This comes a week or so after my own husband said the exact same thing to me.  I still feel like I have foggy brain or something.  I'm trying to be the same jovial old me, I dont know whats wrong.

Well, that was sure uplifting huh?! I guess I'll hit the hay. Tata.

Is it possible I'm cursed?

Yesterday we ventured up to the State Fair.  Thought it would be fun (albeit expensive) day for the kids.  Beautiful day. Ready to have fun!  We got there around 11 am and at 11:30 I started feeling pain in my lower left back.  I ignored it and attempted to just enjoy the day. By 5 pm I was no longer able to ignore it and we were forced to leave.  We drove to the ER and they hydrated me, gave me pain meds and did an x-ray.  Another infection.  Gave me pain meds and antibiotic and were home by 8:30.  I'll have to call my urinary doc on Monday.  Today I feel ok, the pain is gone and I havent taken any pain meds since last night. I was down to 181 the other day but since they pumped me full of fluids I'm back up to 183.

Anyway, thats it for now. Tata.

Tuesday night and (drumroll) ....183!

You heard me right....183.  I also think my regularity is figuring itself out, (insert sigh of relief here).  Today I ate AM: 1 cup dry wheat cheerios  AMish: a few nuts  Noon: Wendys chili  PM: Soup  PMish: cantalope and half a Luna bar.  Not much walking but I did finally buy a pair of running shoes.  Will wear them tomorrow.  Down to a size 14 but cant afford to buy any new clothes right now so I am wearing the 16's and I swear I look like I'm wearing clown pants.

Took Sydney to the ER tonight. She jammed her finger yesterday during dodge-ball at school.  It didnt look that bad so I made her sleep on it.  This morning it was about the same but she could move it so I sent her to school with the fingers taped.  She bitched about it when she got home so ended up taking her in.  Of course it's broken.  She's so excited.  I'm not.  The doc said because of where the break is she has to see a bone specialist.  Crap.

Ok, thats it for now. Tata!

Shield your eyes.

    At the pool in June 07.

5'3" 240 pounds.

       At home Sept. 07.

5'3" 185 pounds.

Just thought I'd show a comparison. Some people were bitching that I wasnt posting any pictures so here they are.  I threw that bathing suit away, I dont think I'll ever wear something that ugly again.  So the big difference is in my head and neck and I can really tell.  No more feeling like I'm suffocating when I lie down and I can actually bend over and touch my toes. Wheeeee! My skin has dramatically cleared up....I dont know what its from, I'm guessing the GBS helped alot.  My thighs and back used to be hard as rocks (plump with fat) and now, well, theyre very soft and mushy.  My skin has also become really dry, esp on my hands and feet.  Anyway, thats the horror show, thanks for watching.

Oh, I ate half an English muffin with a tad of Staw jam this morning and it went well.  I had to toast it twice so it would be nice and dry, and ate very slow.  Last night ate 1/3 of a Luna bar and kept that down too!

Got a B- on my last Physics test and am very happy about it.  Have lots of work to do this weekend so I gotta go! Tata!

Gawd, its only Tuesday....

Hello ya'll.  I've determined that this semester will be named "The Semester That Never Existed".  Its my way of living in denial for how poorly I'm doing.  My worst class, which shall be known as " The Class Of Which We Never Speak Of" (Physics) went relatively well today.  By relatively I mean I didnt run screaming from the building. Delayed reaction I think. I studied last night and am keeping my fingers crossed that I passed the quiz we had today.  I'm optimistic.  Sociology was boring as usual, that guy could put the dead to sleep.  Two quizzes in his class so far, 95 and 92.....not bad.  Very not bad considering that is without cracking a book. HA! The girl sitting next to me got a 15......how is that possible you ask?  You have to meet her, she has very big hair......

My weight has been between 189 and 185 for awhile.  I feel ok, some days better. I have to keep reminding myself that it has only been 71 days since my surgery.  I get mad at my stomach alot because it gets pissed off by some of the dumbest stuff.  Tried some nice soggy cereal this morning and 3 bites into it my stomach said "Any more of that and Imma hurt you!" Crap. So I drive to school hungry.  Stop at Wawa to see if maybe I can find something to chew on. Yogurt? Too much sugar. Breakfast burrito? Eggs cramp me up.  Hmmmm.  Fruit?  Melon and stuff might work.  I buy the smallest one.  I eat it slow and what do you know......I'm fine! Yay! Right now I'm eating tuna.....tuna!  And so far (knock on wood) I'm fine. Anyway, I'm sure in time it wont be such a bitch.

Well, its almost 2 and I have homework. Tata!

Bad Shelly Bad

Yesterday turned out to be a very non-productive day.  I managed to OPEN the history book, I just never READ it.  It sat in front of me until I gave in and turned on the TV.  Guess what was on!  Hercules!  Thats Greek history right??!!  Sorta.  Wow, what luck, its a 3 hour mini-series.  So I sit back and watch the whole damn thing.  Very informative and no reading involved.  I eat alittle lunch and tell myself that once I finish the TV will be turned off, I must read that damn history!  While I'm eating another movie comes on, Jason and the Argonauts!  More Greek history!!!  Imagine that. You guessed it, I ended up watching it, well, most of it.....I did take a nap towards the end.  So there it is in all its brutal honesty, I havent studied.  Its Sunday you say, you still have time!  Well, not really.  I have to drive to Portsmouth today to pick up diapers for my son which is an all day affair.  I'll figure something out, I'm just very glad I finished that Physics.  Ok, I'm off. Tata.

Not myself

  I dont know if you can read it but the baby is saying "A little closer....closer..."  I thought it was cute.

Hello folks. Here we are at Saturday and I'm worn out.  I spent the bulk of the night finishing up my Physics homework, by the time I had it all down on paper my neurons were fried.  I had hoped to get started on History and Speech but the body shut down and I crashed.  Today I will force myself to read 100 pages of ancient Greek history (without falling asleep) and take notes on 3 chapters of speech.  Truthfully I'd rather be having a root canal.

Yesterday my eating was terrible.  My stomach just was not happy with anything I offered it.  I had half a bowl of oatmeal in the am and around 10 I had some almonds.  I drank a full bottle of water during class and then had to drive home to eat lunch.  I tried about 3 bites of chili and it just made me sicker than a dog, I had to nap for an hour till it passed.  Then my stomach was sore and all it would take was hot tea.  Later last night I was hungry and got some veg soup in (half a bowl with almost no solids).  More hot tea.  Then I tempted fate by having a handful of plain cheese goldfish while watching tv.  They didnt kill me but I could feel them.  This morning my tummy is sore again and I'm having my hot tea.  I hate to say it but its days like these that I really regret having the surgery.  All I want to do is eat something and have it NOT make me ill.  I'm so scared to eat anything now, scared that it will make me sick and when I get sick it knocks me out for like an hour or two.  Also I've been cooking for the family and last night all I wanted to do was load up a plate and sit with them, like I used to.  Its very frustrating, I feel like the damn cook/waiter lately.  I cant eat most of what they're eating so I'm left out of just about every meal.  I know my body doesnt need the food, shit that is what got me fat to begin with, but my head wants things back to the way they were.  When food was an afterthought, not the forethought.  I've been assured that this does get better with time.....I hope so.

Okay so thats about it for now.  I'm hoping for a productive day! Tata.

Thursday edited

187 this morning. I'm having a tough week and dont really have time to get into it right now. Just wanted to check in. Tata.

 

9:12 pm

I'm having a hard time with Physics and its really killing my sense of humor.  There is a guy in my class who is willing to help me catch up but Joe seems to think this guy is just hitting on me.  Stupid.  I'm trying my best to get ahead but life always gets in the way.  Stress.  I havent had a chance to start exercising yet and that is bumming me out too.  None of my clothes fit, which should be a great thing but I actually have nothing to wear.  I have 2 pairs of pants that fit me in a 16 and a few Large T-shirts, I have to do a few washes a week just to keep myself clothed.  I've developed a pain in my top right stomache muscle, it isnt constant but it hurts when it flares up.  Anyway, I just wanted to check in.  Hopefully the next post will be more jovial! Tata.

 

Sunday

Had my surgery on Friday.  Didnt turn out exactly the way I had hoped but that doesnt surprise me.  My doc ended up having to drag giant pieces out of me manually which made my ureter swell up alot.  There was one piece he couldnt get, he says I shouldnt worry about it.  After surgery he left a stent in (oh joy) and I went home SORE as hell.  Slept the rest of Friday.  Had pain on Sat. so ended up being drugged half the day.  I have a follow up on Monday, he says he'll remove the stent and that will be the end.  I dont know though, if I still have this huge pain I will be scared for him to remove the stent.  I wouldnt want my ureter to swell shut, then I'd really be screwed.  I'm so tired. AND I'm going to miss another Physics class because of my followup appt.  I'm really becoming a whiner.

One good thing: weighed in at 190 lbs this morning. Thats officially 50 pounds gone forever. Yay.

Thursday

Tomorrow is the day, cant wait.  Hopefully it will end this whole kidney thing.  I had some pain today but I think it was because I did some brisk walking between classes. 

I'm having some second thoughts about this damn Physics class.  I'm not a baby and usually I like a good challenge but DAMN, I cant grasp this stuff.  On top of that, this guy whips through the material and wont hang out after class so I can get some clarification.  We had a quiz today and I blew it, not my fault, I wasnt present for most of the work.  My other classes are fine, I'm not too worried about them.  I plan on working like a dog over the weekend to catch up in everything.  Anyway, thats about it.  I'll try and drop a line this weekend. Tata.

Ugh....morning.

At Zero dark thirty my alarm clock went off.  I hate that Avery has to get on the bus so damn early.  Bus was late, of course.  I sit here battling BUBBLES, the kind that just dont want to dislodge themselves from my chest cavity.  I cant eat/drink/swallow until I can get them out. So here I sit, at the computer, with the back massager on full blast, trying to get those damn things out. I miss the days of just being able to eat and be done with it.  Now I have to schedule my day around eating and whether my body is accepting food at the moment or not.  Have to stop if I get a bubble, cant drink too close to eating, dont even think about wolfing something down...etc etc ad nauseum.  Frustrated, thats all. Time for school. Tata.

School Is In!

 Finally, it has begun! 

I dropped Sydney off this morning, all loaded up with school supplies.  Once I offloaded her I started off to my own school.  Within minutes Joe called me, there was a problem, they couldnt find Averys shot record and therefore couldnt immunize him. Joe panics easily.  I told him to call the school, get his record from there. I have to run right now, write more later.

8pm

I'm back. Life seems to get in the way everytime I sit at the computer.  Anyway, everyone managed to get to and from school without incident.  I had Physics Lab and Sociology.  Physics = hard.  He's not the nicest teacher either, I may have to butter him up. So, I'm off to bed early tonight. Tata!

 

It's official......I'm old.

Cute huh?!

Creak, creak, creak.  This is not the sounds of my floors but of my knees as I carefully unfold out of bed this morning.  Good grief. You'd think that as I lost weight there would be less creaking.....nope.

My stomach gave me hell last night.  I was hungry and needed protein so I ate about a 1/4 cup of chicken pulled off of that rotisserie I bought yesterday. Alittle Miracle Whip on the side and it went down great initially.  30 minutes later I was nauseous and had a dull ache.  Had to take a nap.  Dumb chicken.

Well, today is the last day before all hell breaks loose.  I plan on doing nothing but laundry all day.  Tata.

Way too Early Sunday

Ok, so I still look pretty bad.  It's also 7 am and I haven't even finished my first cup of tea yet so gimmee a break. 

It's Sunday and nothing opens till Noon.  In a way thats a relief, I dont have to rush out....oh wait, yes i do. Crap.  Grocery shopping and you know that WalMart never closes so I guess I better get my happy ass dressed.  Aloha!

My head explodes.....and noone notices.

Of course not literally, that would catch a few eyes (i hope).  I took my daughter to the mall and while there, started my period.  No warning.  Nothing.  Just....POP....Hello, I'll be joining you at the mall today!  Well, needless to say, we left.  She wanted to stay and persisted with "You can buy something at the information kiosk!" Uh, no.  This is one time in my life that shopping would definately NOT take precedence over a bodily function.  Her moping will be legendary.

I had so much free time in the hospital this last week and no laptop.  I probably could have written an epic. Well, let me just say, on Thursday I refused to turn on the TV and I sat in my private room and monologued all day......thats at least 19 hours for me folks!!!!  Can I recreate one now? Not to save my damn life.  All that lost material, what a waste. Nothing like drugs and fever to open up that imagination gateway huh?!

So now I'm looking forward....to the future.....well, the next week at least.  I talked Joe into staying home on Tuesday so that I could go to school.  He was off anyway, he just was hoping for some overtime.  I need him to take Avery to the immunization clinic on Tues morning though to get that mandatory shot before he can go to school. Aint that some shit?  I'll drop Syd off at 8:30 and drive my baggy ass to school by 9:30.  I'll then spend the day trying to CATCH UP. Oh and I also get to explain why I'll be missing MORE class on Friday, which I'm sure will thrill my profs to death.  Hopefully Wed and Thurs will be just me and the kids going to school, no crises or sickness. Then Thursday night I fast for surgery Friday morning.  Friday morning is as far as I'm planning, I dont want to get too cocky. Planning next week could bring on an anurysm,a club foot or even blindness.....I'm not taking any chances.

Avery and Sweetie 8/1/07

Welcome Back

I'm not sure why but I feel like its time to switch back.  I like the OH website and I know that people read my blog there but I miss my old format.  So in the next few days I'll be switching back.  Until then, tata.