Recap and update

I'll recap alittle. I spent yesterday basically with my kids and their cousin.  They swam in the hotel pool until all eyes were bloodshot. We had a pricey lunch and swam some more.

At around 6pm we all headed out for dinner.  Two distant relatives had just flown in and joined us.

Not the best pictures. My SIL Terri is at the end of the table.

Terri's best friend Hillary is in the tan sweater on the right.

My BIL Jason is the mountainman looking guy to the left.

Child #2 and her cousin Katie.

Dinner went okay, other than feeling alittle disconnected from the main group we all ate and escaped without incident.  I sat next to Hillary (Terri's best friend) who I really like but it felt abit awkward as I have only really spoken to her maybe twice before now. It was also SO loud in this place that I found myself screaming to be heard, which in turn gave me a horrific headache.

Anyway, we got back to the room and I was the first one asleep. I was mentally exhausted. Joe woke me up at around 3am when he started using the computer, he couldnt sleep. He was up and down all night. This morning he's a bear.

So its 10:30 am and I'm biding my time until its time to get everyone dressed for the veiwing at noon. I'll be taking some pictures and will update maybe tonight.

 

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Stayin Alive.

 

Exactly how I've been thinking lately. Here's me in action.......

Its how I feel. because. I have to eat sooooo very often to keep my strength up. Its very apparent on this trip that MY EATING is a nuisance. "You have to eat AGAIN?" Uh, yes, I do. But you just ate. Uh, I know but if I dont eat I'll be very weak and bitchy. This is bad yes?

Last night when they ordered pizza, it was cool except that my SIL ended up having to make a side trip to buy salad. Made me feel like a pain. I hated to say that I had eaten salad twice already today and anymore of it will give me the runs. Ok, well, TMI. Salad was fine but I needed protein so when we returned to the hotel I went to Subway and grabbed a turkey wrap. Eating protein at 11 pm? Nightmares fer sure.

This morning at the free breakfast bar I had 1 pc of wheat toast with (questionable) peanut butter (I think it had dairy in it b/c I got a hell-a-cious headache afterwards), oh and 1/2 a banana.  There were waffles and french toast and lovely syrup with little jams and frothy orange juice.......gah I used to LOVE breakfast. Waffles especially. My family devoured hundreds apon hundreds of calories with lip-smacking abandon, licking fingers and humming that "oh this tastes good" little song between each bite. I just sat there and kept repeating in my mind stoicly, You dont want that shit. You think you do but its just your sickness talking. Its the brain that wants the food dammit, the big stupid brain. I keep in mind how horrifically SICK it would make me to eat even a few bites of what theyre eating and that will sometimes take my mind off of it. Usually I would be a real stickler about what they eat but I decided that for the duration of the trip I wont be the food nazi that I usually am. Free pass for the funeral. Now when we get home it will be business as usual.

So, here I sit, next to the indoor hotel pool. My two plus their cousin Katie playing Marco Polo with 2 other guest children. I opted out on going in the pool, I just didnt feel like it, maybe later this afternoon. Joe left at 10 am to have a family meeting with just the siblings. I'm glad he has this time with them, he seems much more connected.

Well, I'm off to get this brood dried off and re-dressed. Lunch is not far away and I plan to PLAN out my meals today. Pain in the ass. I swear.

 

The trip

Trip to Minnesota

I cant remember where this was. Honestly, I thought of writing notes but was way too lazy (uh, only I could be LAZY sitting in the car.) I drove a few hours then he drove a few, it worked fairly well.

The capital of some city.

Ok, well, I tried to upload a bunch more but the stupid site wont accept them. I'll have to tweek them and try again later.

Day 1 started early. We loaded the car and when it came time to load the dogs (yes, we are insane) Molly (the new dog) would NOT stop whining and freaking out. We had to put the kennel in the back seat for her because she went into heat the night before (not fixed, at friggin 9 years old, not fixed, ugh) As we started down the gravel driveway, dog mewling, kids complaining, my teeth gritted and Joe's brow furrowed.....suddenly he says Why dont we board the dogs?....not so much of a question as a statement. We back up and at 6:45 am he goes in the house and retreives the phone book. Thankfully our vet opens for boarding at 7:00 am. Fast forward. We dont get on the road until about 8:30. The drive is dull and uneventful, we stop a few times for this and that. Its getting late and I'm driving and oh man do I want to stop for the night but Joe is all about the milage.  We cant stop until we get to "whereever" I cant even remember but he was determined to reach this spot before we stopped, even if its midnight. Uh, kids. I, of course, have to think of them because well, he doesnt. They'd be chattering skeletons fused to the back seat in a pool of their own filth if their father was allowed to decide food, bathroom scheduling. I look over at him and give him the hairy eyeball. Ok, fine, pull into the next stop. Thank goodness. The roach motel we stayed at was across the street from a Ponderosa (it was EWWWW and way too expensive) We slept badly on beds that were NOT meant for humans. Day 2 was the exact same except around Noon we encountered SNOW, alot of snow.  It didnt stick until we got past Chicago. We arrived in Minn. about 3 pm and checked in to our hotel (which is right next door to TARGET (woohoo)) I immediately ditched the kids and went shopping (cmon, its TAR-GET dammit) AND THERES A STARBUCKS INSIDE OF IT! OMG! Nirvana for me my friends. Expresso AND shopping. I can die now. I had to find something to wear to the funeral so I tried on some clothes and ended up with a pair of nice black dress pants and a white cable knit sweater. It looks ok, very plain but nice. Got the kids both black and white as well, the whole lot cost me about 75 bucks, Joe would shit a kitten if I told him. Men just dont get it, clothes cost money. Ok, so here I sit, in my mother in laws dining room, people schooling back and forth through the house. There are cousins and friends and sisters and brothers and other in laws and their children. Pizza is being ordered and tv is being watched.  Its odd for me to be here, I hadnt spent much time being here....KNOWing these people who are connected to me through my marraige. Its my fault too. I could have been more available, could have put myself more out there and been more receptive. I have guilt. For mean things said in the past, maybe not being as tolerant or understanding of other people as I should have been. I dont mean all of them, I mean her, my mother in law. We had friction and I think most of it stemmed from our differences, our gap. Now that she's gone I dont get a chance to mend that relationship. During the last year of her life I think we communicated MORE but maybe not better. She and I spoke often when she was first diagnosed and I think she found comfort in those calls, at least I hope she did. I tried my best to be supportive, encouraging and sincere. The last time we spoke, which was a few days before her death, I felt sad and awkward not knowing what to say. Three of her children were at her side when she passed and said that she showed no fear, more like relief. I'm glad of that and that her suffering is over.

The funeral is Saturday.

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RIP

Joe's mom died tonight around 8 pm. We're leaving tomorrow morning for Minnesota. I'm taking my laptop with me so I will update when I can.

Tuesday

OK, are you sitting down? 138 LBS this morning kids!!!! Holy cow. I knew that cutting back on the salt was going to work. For breakfast: 1 piece of Double Fiber toast and 1 apple with cinnamon and 1 tsp of fake butter. I have school today so I may stop at the salad bar for lunch.

Picked up Joe at the airport last night. He's very glad to be home and he snored like a big dog ALL night. HA! He brought one of Terri's(SIL) phones back with him so that they can reach him at all times. He doesnt have to go back to work till Thursday which is good because he really needs some time to decompress.

Tap tap....anyone home?

Morning. Weight this morning: 141 lbs. HA! I knew it would work. I bet if I could maintain this low salt/carb lifestyle I could lose another 10 lbs. Can I? Uh. Imma try but my confidence level is shakey.

Last night as I was skimming through the channels I ran across Paul McKenna and his show "I can make you THIN". I lump this show in with Pet Psychics and Mind Readers, not even worth listening for a nano-second. Nothing else on so I said what the hell, I'll watch it for a minute. It amounts to tapping on yourself and distracting yourself with a series of singing, counting and rolling of your eyes. Hmmmm. So I sit in bed and do exactly what he says. He claims that by doing this everytime I crave a food (like crunchies) that it will kill that urge. Hmmmm. I think, I'd really love a huge bowl of Totstitos and I get that picture firmly in my minds eye. Then I tap and sing and count and roll those eyes, just like he says. He asks the woman on the show if she wants the food, she says NO. I dont know if I dont want the food anymore or if I'm just distracted by keeping the series of motions straight. I dont want the chips as much but I still want them. I'm such a skeptic that it probably couldnt work for me anyway. I do it again. Hmmm. I get the series wrong and (according to him) am going too slow. I get frustrated. I finally get it right a few times and am so frazzled by the whole evolution that I turned off the tv and went to sleep. So, all in all, it DID work. I didnt eat. HA!

The kids are off to school with me this morning, oh joy. After classes we are heading to the gym. Following the gym we have to go to Richmond for Child #2's head doc appt. Since she started the meds she hasnt had as many episodes so I guess its working. We have to rush from her doc to the airport to pick up Joe, who is landing at about 4 pm. Loooooooooong day! Ugh.

 

Watch out for the Easter Bunny

Easter Sunday

Horton Hears A Who.  I'd review it but honestly, I slept through most of it. Child #2 was irate when she realized I snoozed through it....Geeez Mom what a waste of money, I mean REALLY! The nerve of me huh.  Spoke to Joe when we got home, he's still coming home tomorrow. Its snowing in MN and I'm soooo glad I'm not there for just that reason ( I have a hatred of snow that burns red hot like the sun)

Also spoke to my Mom tonight (snowing there too.) She went to church and is having dinner with friends, its nice that she can get out and socialize.

I have done AWESOME so far today in the eating dept.  Had 1/2 an orange, 1/2 a banana then 2 oz. of turkey on 1 1/2 cups of greens....at the movies I had 2 rice cakes and 2 cups of lightly salted organic popcorn.....1 oz. mixed nuts....3 oz. low sodium tuna, 1 TBSP miracle whip, 1 1/2 cups of greens. I'm allowed to have 3 more ounces of tuna and 1 pc of bread.

Click totals for charts!	Totals:	586	32g	87mg	1,553mg	91g	39g	15g	59g
% of your daily value		41.97%	49.57%	29.13%	64.72%	30.32%	n/a	n/a	117.29%
		Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein

My salt is still kinda high but my carbs are good. Ideally my sodium should be under 1,000 mg and my carbs under 100 g.  It is harder than it sounds because there is salt in EVERYTHING.  Its taken all my will power today to NOT eat chips, crackers, excess dressings, etc. 

Thats all for now. Tata.

MIL update

*Update on MIL*

Joe is still in MN with his mom. He has decided to fly back tomorrow, as scheduled. She is kind of holding steady for the moment. She is no longer mobile and its possible that the cancer has spread to her brain. Joe says she doesnt make sense alot of the time and is sleeping more and deeper. She has bed sores and isnt eating very much anymore. The hospice people who come in give her baths, change her bedding and take care of her meds (just for pain now). They have told Joe that she is very close to the end but of course no one can tell for sure. He wants to stay but he has to go back to work and cant just hang out there indefinately. Once he gets home we will call daily to check on her status. I think the next trip will be all of us, driving out there.

I spoke with her briefly last Thursday.  It was uncomfortable and sad, I wasnt sure what to say. I concentrated on talking about her dog, assuring her that the dog was assimilating very well and that we all loved her. Very sad.

Anyway, today we are on a mission to clean the house before heading to the movie. I'll let you know how it goes.

Go fly a kite.

   Easter Saturday

Ok, if you're bored easily....please....exit this site now.  Yawwwwwn.

We showed up to the Prince George County Egg Hunt at 10 am (the website said 10 am). We're standing there, in the cold, and finally I ask someone Hey, when does the egg hunt start? I mean, it is 10:05. Uh, that doesnt start until around 11 am. WHAT? Oh ferchrissake. I'm not standing here for an hour. We leave, me promising Child #2 (who is the only one who cares) that we will run to WalMart and return by 11.  I dont want to drive all the way back there so I bribe her into NOT complaining (cost: $3.95). Eh, I never said I was a perfect parent.

Worked out at the gym. Came home. Child #2 flew her kite in the front yard, she ran and ran and ran (it was hilarious).

 

woo-hoo yeah?

I have enough money to take them to the movies tomorrow so I guess we're going to see Horton. Tata.

 

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Day 5 and stuff

Day 5 of the Behav. Mod. Mission.  I didnt go to the school, they didnt want me there. HA! He actually got up this morning and seemed very lethargic. They reported the same thing at school but the good news is.....very little pinch/pushing.  I dont think he was "tired" from not sleeping so I'm assuming the meds are kicking in.

I took some pictures of the new fence out back that Joe is building for the new dog.  Its a runner (the dog, not the fence), likes the bunnies.

It isnt finished. The wooden side needs gates and the wire will be replaced by pickets.

My eating has been erratic, I think its from stress. Lots of salt and evil carbs, ugh. 144 this morning and I wasnt surprised. Child #2 was a pound heavier and just about lost her mind. I tried to explain that being a woman means a love/hate relationship with water, she seemed satisfied with my explanation but is sure that peeing more will remedy the problem. Worth a try. hehe.

Hanging out tonight. No money means lots of hanging out. yipee. Tata.

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Day 4

Behav. Mod Day 4

I showed up at 9 am and he had just started pushing and pinching. I waited outside the classroom, the teacher wanted to use the old "I'm calling Mom" tactic to see if that stopped the behaviors. I didnt think it would, its a very abstract concept. And I was right, HA! Anyway, I went in and spent about 45 minutes then had to go. I wanted to get a jump of packing up.

I went back later in the day to check in, they were in the gym.  I didnt hang out, honestly, I'm beat and I just wanted to get home and lie down. No luck. Its 2pm and his bus will pull up in about 45 minutes. Bah!

 

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Mission: Behav. Mod. Day 3

I made it to the school by 9 am and he was already in the "dark" room for attacking Mrs. Thomas. As soon as he saw me, no more problems. We loaded up the bus and I followed in my car to the dump.

Photo ops. The one in blue taking pictures is his teacher Mrs. Driskill.

Some of Child #1's class mates. Dustin and Kristin.

At CiCi's pizza. Wouldnt eat pizza but ate like 9 brownies. I left them to go to the pharmacy to pick up the new script. I'm hoping that the drug will help, he starts it tonight.

Joe called me earlier and I guess his mom is not expected to make it through the weekend. He wants me and the kids to drive out. We'll be leaving in the next couple of days I guess. Me. 2 kids. 2 dogs. A 2 day drive. Shit.

 

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Crispy bits of sugary badness...edited

Let me first just say, I LOVE/HATE the product shown below.

They are the most tastiest,crunchy,beautiful,sugary little bites of heaven on earth ever created by humans. That being said..........I cant stop eating them and therefore they ARE BAD! There is a mango version as well and I'm sure Satan had something to do with the production of them as well. Shit!

 

Mission: Behav. Mod. Day 2

My stupid camera is out in the car so no pictures of us at the diner. Trust me, very anti-climactic anyway. We came, we ate, we left.  It was one of those ole-timey diners where every damn thing has been cooked in lard or drenched in butter, the only acceptable thing I could find on the friggin menu was an english muffin (no butter, thanks.....she kept trying to give me butter). It was cramped and dirty and smokey like a pool hall (oh yes folks there are places where you can still smoke right in with the non-smoking folk) Gag gag. I couldnt wait to get out after I paid my $6 tab......SIX BUCKS? For what ferchrissake?  Didnt care, just needed to get out and breathe the regular smoggy air. Took Child #1 with me since he had a doc appt later in the day. Child #2 got to play hookie so she was happy as a clam. We didnt have any behavior issues in the diner but I think it was because he was dazed from the smoke inhalation.  I'm at his school again tomorrow at around 9am, another friggin field-trip.  Guess where we're going........you'll never guess........the landfill. HA! Can you believe it? And then off for pizza, woohoo. Should be a hoot, I'll definately take pictures.

Thats it for now. Tata.

EDIT*****ADDED PICS FROM DAY 2

At the Diner of Death. Thats his aide, Mrs. Thomas.

Lunch consisted of a hamburger and fries.

Out by the car, recovering from the smoke. So ends todays adventure.

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Mission: Behavior Modification Day 1

Day 1: Arrived 10 am

They reported that he was bad all morning. He was surprised when I showed up. We kept his regular schedule and he did fine while I was around. Above we are at lunch.

Cutting paper in the classroom. It calms him and keeps his hands busy. He eventually tried acting out twice and I caught him and gave him a good pop. He behaved the rest of the day. Tomorrow is a field trip, I'll let you know how that goes.

Weighed in at 139. Eating is still not the best. A Latte for breakfast, roast beef sandwich for lunch, tuna sandwich for snack and then BAM! bread, crackers, chips.......its like I go insane. Oh and a bag of popcorn too.

Ugh.................Tata.

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Tell me what you really think.

No point to this. I just liked the graphic and thought it was funny.

My back teeth are floatin!

Trying to be a good girl and get all my water in. Thirst is a funny thing for me. I'm never thirsty until I start drinking. Weird.

I never remember being so blotchy, maybe I should start wearing concealer. Ugh, I hate makeup. It makes me feel like the time I played one of the cheerleaders in "Bye Bye Birdie" in high school and we had to wear all that stage pancake makeup. Terrible. Your skin cant breathe. Sure you're all one color but I dunno, makes me feel like a mannekin. I throw on some mascara and eyeliner once in a blue moon, thats as crazy as I get.

Today was one of those days where I was busy all day and got maybe one thing done. Once a month I have to drive 85 miles to pick up 2 cases of diapers for my non-potty trained son. He'll be 14 next month and we have been trying to train him for 12. He makes no connection, it just isnt there. Anyway, 170 mile road trip usually takes up to 5 hours (traffic, weather, etc). Today was ok. Just me and Child #1, left at 10:30 and got back around 2:30. Its a pain in the ass but I cant really complain, the diapers are free. I pick up Child #2 from friends house and we're home by 3:30. I dont wanna cook, work out, clean, do laundry......I'm beat....Imma lie down. Not for long (of course).

So tomorrow begins my Spring Break (its an illusion of a break). I will be at Child #1's school every day this week to try and break him of some bad behaviours. I hope it works, I'm not very optimistic. He only pulls this shit at school because he knows I wont put up with it at home. I can extinguish behaviours in him in a day, they cant seem to get him to do anything. Its become a HUGE problem. So I go to school with him, he behaves badly, I pop him. It might work while I'm there but once I'm gone I'm afraid we'll be right back to square one. We'll see. Drugs seem to be in his immediate future.

Well, time for bed. Tata.

 

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Spring Flung!

SPRING FLING ART FESTIVAL!!!!

The boys entering the melee that is the Spring Fling.  Held at my sons Middle school each year, this is an Art exhibition of all the surrounding schools.  The choirs sing and the band programs have programs as well. They sell tickets for A) facepainting and other useless crap and B) shitty food that these kids (and adults) shouldnt be eating.

Child #2 gets a "tattoo" for 3 tickets ($1.50).

Its supposed to be Zelda.

Man was it packed and we deliberately showed up late to try and avoid this.

My boys. Joe uses Child #1 as a shield from pictures.

Child #2's choir, most of them look like they'd rather be cleaning toilets. Mine is 5th from the right, second row down.

After the singing we bolted.  Her friend is spending the night so we had pizza, because thats the only thing the friend will eat (sad). Oh and Child #2 weighed in this morning at 100 lbs even! Thats a 2 pound loss since last weigh-in. Happy happy!!! Only 10 lbs to goal. Also I am back down to 140.....guess why! Yup, Aunt Flow Finally showed up! Yay.

Ok, enough for now. Tata.

 

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Dont go changin.....

I write for the on-campus art magazine. I usually submit an obscene amount of work for them to choose from.  This semester I turned in 6 pieces.  Yesterday the lead person (an Eng. prof) that just took over the magazine sends me an e-mail. Come to her office and sign a release, they are using 5 of the 6. Something struck me in the mail so I asked her to mail me the proof, just so I could look over it before it was printed. She does and last night I sit down to look at it. Holy crap. She has CHANGED my work. And I'm not talking about grammatical errors or typos, she has altered huge portions of my work. I'm freaking out. I print out my originals to make sure about what has been changed. I'm still pissed and have a meeting with her this morning. I'll let you know what happens.

9:55 pm

Well, she stood me up. Figures. I'm going to have to wait a week to resolve this and I'm still pissed.

Had a fairly decent day. The weather was excellent, 75 and clear. Thats about it. Tata.

I might be improved but I aint very bright.

I could just string together obscenties for this entire post and that would probably be an accurate picture of how I feel.  Today was a better eating day because I FORCED MYSELF to stay away from food.  Also I drank a HE-YOU-J ( thats huge for those of you who dont read phonetics) coffee, not the brightest thing to do. Caffe Americano. Its cheaper and alot less calories than Lattes. I get a Grande (not bright, remember). So I drink it (not as good as a Latte) and after 16 ounces I'm doing great (expresso makes me like Speedy Gonzales....Reeeba-reeba!!!) I eat some salad for lunch, couple handfuls of chips (i know, shut up) salsa and finally salad for dinner. Good yeah? Well, better than the past week at least. The coffee made me feel like CRAP and I will NOT be drinking a Grande again.

I was supposed to start Aunt Flow today but no such luck. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Chips are evil.

Click totals for charts!	Totals:	1,638	76g	74mg	3,819mg	261g	70g	50g	70g
% of your daily value		97.33%	117%	24.67%	159.12%	87.11%	n/a	n/a	140.89%
		Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein

 

Wow. Terrible day yesterday. 261 Carbs! Egads. This is not a typical day. I ate alot of chips and grazed all day. Weekends when we have nothing to do makes it hard for me because the kids eat and then I want to eat too. Ugh. But today is a new day! Working out this morning and having lots of protein. Promise to be a good girl today.

10:09 pm

Colored my hair last night.

Back to black and I hate it. Not so much the color, just the hair itself, we arent getting along these days. I'm sorry for any typos tonight, my arms and hands are shaking pretty bad. I ate 1/2 a banana and I guess it was too much sugar.....I'm not "dumping" but I am "swooshing" pretty severely.  My temp has gone up about 10 degrees and I had to strip down to my undies because I started sweating profusely. As quickly as it hits, it slowly drifts away and I'm left with shaking hands and weak knees. I drank a bottle of water and that seemed to help. I had another not so good day of eating. I start out really good. I worked out this morning so I skipped breakfast. After the gym I had a latte. Lunch was a small Cobb salad with Lite Vinegrette.  Snack was a turkey sandwich.  Once I got home I hit the chips. Dinner was chili. Then the banana. The chips killed me.

Anyway, I'm going to bed so I dont eat anymore. Tata.

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Sunday

Child #2 has lost another pound, 102.  She looks better everyday. I checked the childrens BMI chart and to be in the normal range she needs to lose another 12 pounds.  Now if she grows vertically that number will change. 

I am bouncing around between 140 and 144 but that is normal for me during this time of month. I expect to lose all of it and maybe even drop another pound about a week after Aunt Flow leaves.  I'm going to do some measurements this morning, I'll post them later.

*Later*

Compare measurements from Oct 7th when I weighed 178 to todays weighing 143.

Neck 13.75/12.5

Arm 12/10.5

Boob 41/36.5

Under Boob 35/33

Waist ?/29.75

Hip 45/39

Thigh 25/21.5

Calf 15.25/13.75

Ankle 10/9.25

I'm happy with most of these. Hip needs work and I'm hoping for another 2-3 inches off. My legs are hindered by the baggy skin, I'm sure if I could cut it off I would lose another couple inches.

Update

Topics Update****

School is going okay. I've managed to miss more class than I like because of Child #2's doctor appts but I had no choice. Next week is the last school week before Spring Break. So far I think I have A's and B's.

Child #2 has started into adolescence and personalities are clashing. She is still on the pre-dosage of the seizure medication and so far has had no bad reactions. She is doing wonderfully in school and has begun easing into wanting to be more "girly" (which is expensive)

Child #1 has been giving me grief.  He is acting out at school (puberty anyone??) and pinching everyone in sight. I've tried to come up with solutions but the school just wants me to drug him. I'm disgusted and very frustrated. More on that later.

Joe's trip to the doc ended in a big surprise (for him), not so much for me. I knew something was wrong.  He will now be taking Uroxatral (for prostate swelling) for well.....prolly the rest of his life. If he wasnt feeling old before, he is now. I think this hits home that he needs to start taking his health seriously.

Joe's mom is deteriorating quickly.  The meds she is taking are making her hallucinate. She is pretty much confined to bed or her chair because of the pain when she moves.  I dont know accurately what her mental state is but I can imagine she is highly distressed.  Joe will be flying back out around the 18th.

As for me, I'm eating badly. I blame it on an approaching period (12th). Carbs and salt scream my name, I try to resist. I will be working out today for sure. The whole family is under multiple stressors right now and because I'm the primary caregiver, I end up shouldering much of the excess stress. I have to learn to "go with the flow" and "let go" of some things that I just cant control.  Its hard for me, control is my thing. I'm sure that in time most of these stresses will resolve themselves and life will continue as it always does.

Last but not least, Molly. Our "new" dog.  This dogbarks. Alot. Grrrrrrrrr. She whines. Alot. We are hoping that once she gets used to the new environment these issues will be....less. HA!

Ok, thats it for now. Hope I answered all of those burning questions. Tata.

11 pm

I ate very well today.

B: 2 Spelt toast, 2 egg whites

L: 1 cup bean & ham soup, 1 tiny sliver bread

S: 1 Tall Latte

D: Nachos (beans, chips, salsa)

S: unbuttered popcorn

You'll notice that I snuck a Latte in. I insisted that we go to the gym, is it my fault that Starbucks is across the street from it? Child #2 wanted a sip and I said fine, just dont tell your father. Once she decided it was yummy she was like a crackhead and I had to cut her off.  I did 40 minutes on the Ellip and lifted some weights so I burned at least 500 calories today. Yay me!

Day of Discovery

Healthy Choice Steamer Of Death

I shunta eat it. I hurtttttts. Dumb rice. I know, I know.........

On a lighter note I drank my first cup of coffee today. At 40 I have NEVER had a cup. I always found coffee to be vile and repulsive, the smell was truely yukky. It extended beyond actual coffee too, anything coffee flavored like ice cream etc. YUK. For some inexplicable reason known only to my subconscious I ended up in the drive-thru of STARBUCKS.  Oh-k. Uh. Its like reading Chinese. I dont know HOW to order coffee. I panic and tell the girl my life story. Uh, I cant have dairy, I cant have sugar, I dont want anything that tastes bad.......uh.....yada and so-forth. There is silence and then she speaks. How about a Blah Blah Blahhdy Blah? I'm like uh....I dont know what that is. She says oh you'll like it, it has no dairy and very little sugar. I figure what the hell, go for it. I pay 3.50 and get a tiny cup. I park and examine the contents. It doesnt smell bad and is kinda foamy. I take a sip. HELL-OH! NUMMY. Maybe its because my tastebuds have been limited to pretty dull foods and all I drink is water but I LOVE this drink. I wandered through Target, nursing my little cup and staring into space. Ahhhhhh. And then its gone (a single tear).  I'm afraid I have created a monster.

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Bad day.

I'm so tired and my brain isnt working properly. I want to write a huge post with lots of witty reparte but honestly I dont have the energy. I ate one of those Lean Cuisine things and it aint sitting right, which is making me crabby too. We were supposed to workout and I got sidetracked so that makes me crabby as well. I guess I'm so uptight that I cant just go with the flow, little shit like interrupting my schedule really makes me insanely crazy and crabby. So here I sit, crabby and tired, not two things my family appreciate. I'm actually thinking of just getting in the car and going to workout on my own, sort of a strss reliever. I dunno.

Today was shitty. I ate 1 cup of Kashi Cinnamon squares with almond milk and dumped about 10 minutes afterwards. I ended up having to lie down and nap before class. On the way to school I felt odd, thought it might be hunger but wasnt sure. I stop at Wawa and walk around aimlessly, wondering if I should eat. Gah. Okay so I go to the counter and order the mini-sandwich: turkey, lettuce, tomato and some mustard. My head felt all light and I broke out in a weird sweat so I pulled over and ate the sandwich. It was what I needed.

Anyway, I gotta go, I'm just tired. Tata.

The sleep of the dead

Not long after dinner last night, the three of us passed out.

It got up to 70 yesterday, supposed to be 75 today! Wheeeee!

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Trying to remain calm............

This is me, attempting to block out the chaos.  What the hell is going on?  I think my family is trying to kill me. It could be that or maybe its just that I can no longer shoulder ALL of the responsibilities around here. Child #1's school calls me at 9 am and says I have to pick him up because he's acting out. No use in arguing either so I go and pick him up. I was supposed to have mid-terms this morning. Now I have to do make-ups on Wednesday. I should use this time to study, yes? Why cant I? Because I'm thinking about 50,000 other things that I either have to schedule or do or fix or remember. GEZUS! And today you know what? I'm STRESS EATING, I know it, I feel it, I want food dammit. I'm not even worried about dumping, I wanna eat and thats it. I've had 2 pieces of toast with PB, half a grapefruit, 1 fresco soft taco, 3/4 mandarine chicken salad and right now I'm stuffing myself with plain tortilla chips. Its only 2 pm dammit. I'm pretty sure that at this rate I can hit 2,000 calories today. My brain is actually suggesting that I skip my workout as well. I think I need a Valium.

Bah, thats it for now, I think I'm starting to dump.

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I'm SO sick of these damn underwear!!!!

Seriously, I have no idea what the hell is going on but every pair are creepers these days. I'm consistantly pulling them this way and that and its friggin irritating. On the treadmill today I resisted for as long as I could and then to the disgust of the people behind me (sorry btw) I had to dig them out. I tried to be subtle but cmon how is that possible when walking on a 2 foot wide band of moving plastic? Uh, you just gotta dive in. Apon dismounting the mill I made sure NOT to make eye contact with anyone on the equipment behind me. If I cant find suitable under garments I just may have to go commando for awhile.

Click totals for charts!	Totals:	99	42g	47mg	2,145mg	101g	20g	20g	33g
% of your daily value		42.38%	63.92%	15.67%	89.39%	33.53%	n/a	n/a	66.11%
		Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein

 

I had a heavy workout today. 30 minutes on the mill, 30 minutes on the ellip. and 30 minute swim....oh and also about 20 minutes of good stretching with sit-ups. Overall I burned about 800 cals.

B: bottle lemon water

Lunch: 1.5 fresco soft tacos

Snack: apple raisin treat  (DUMPED)

Dinner (late): Plain turkey sandwich

Apple Raisin Treat recipe

1/2 a peeled, cored apple

1/3 cup raisins

dash cinnamon

1 TBSP fake butter

2 TBSP sugar free Cool Whip

Microwave for 1:30, stir, eat............Very Nummy.

I'd had the apple dish before, dont know why I dumped on it this time but may I just add AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH! HATE dumping. I swear it is probably the best deterrant EVER. I still have a bit of "dumping hangover" which means I'm sleepy and thirsty, kinda weak in the joints too. Damn it.

Molly is doing fine, she is learning how to cope with this crazy environment. Its twice as hard for her because she's 10 and because there is another dog. Poor thing. She surprised me last night by getting into her kennel all by herself, usually I have to push her in. She got in and laid down and didnt make a peep all night. We changed her food to what Sweetie eats and she gobbles it down. I have to take her to the vet for heartworm pills soon.

Child #2 grew another 1/4 inch and is really close to being 4'8". This makes a difference in her BMI so she's excited. She officially is wearing girls clothes again and I bought her the cutest outfit from Target the other day. I'll try and get a picture.

Anyway, time to get going. Tata.

'member me?

Morning. My belly is giving me shit (literally) this morning so I'm not the happiest camper in the trailer park. Child #2 (henceforth to be known as "Ungrateful Troll") has started off the day by bitching at me more than I care to be bitched at. I'm using the "talk to the hand" method of not exploding at her. Maybe if I ignore her she'll go away?? Uh, nope. We have a day loaded with chores and errands and its always so much fun when I have to do these things with children in tow. That was sarcasm, in case you missed it.

I'm taking in Molly (black cotton ball-looking dog) in for her shave this morning, lets hope the smell is eliminated once we shear her. She peed on the floor twice so far and both times were probably my fault, I'm just not used to having to walk a dog on a leash. I'll post pictures of her once she is shaved, it should be a hoot.

Anyway, I have to bolt. Maybe back later. Tata.

Being picked up @ PetSmart. Eeeeek, I'm bald!

The devil dogs and Ungrateful Troll.

She (Molly) seems happier now. She can see. In celebration of her hairloss she pooped in the house. Oh joy.

 

 

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