I swear, I totally meant to blog this past month...

Well, it seems I will not be blogging as much as I had planned. The classes I am taking are managing to eat every second that isnt filled with childcare or sleeping. I'm stressed. Gah. So I only dropped by to let yall know, I may not be back for awhile. Sorry. I gotta prioritize yaknow. tata.

Vent

My school sucks. I'm a junior at Virginia State University and I have to say, I get better service at Wal*Mart. Went to the bookstore the other day to buy my extremely over-priced books for classes (which start on Tuesday). I'm taking 3 lectures and 3 labs. 6 books. They only had 3 of the books I needed. The reason they gave for not having the other 3? The professors havent contacted the bookstore to tell them which books to order. Okay, I'm abit manic when it comes to having my books on time. Honestly, if there were any other schools in this area, I would be gone.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Sunday, Official day of Whining.

I'm in my happy place. Put there by the whining and grousing of 3 other humans on this planet. Sundays are my "get-shit-done-days", I need to be in the zone and get all laundry, ironing, cleaning, etc done on this day. Please yall, leave me alone so I can accomplish at least half of this torture. My eyeballs are dry, I blink extra fast....squeezing them closed once in awhile to soak the overtly dry eye in juice. I've had too many glasses of wine/water and way too many Baked Cheetos. I tried to get them to play the damn Wii. No luck. Fed them to the point of comatose and yet, they still move....and complain. What did I do to deserve this? I'm a good person, at least most of the time. Gah. I have so much more to say but, guess what???? Someone wont leave me alone long enough to even type this friggin post.

Let's hope the aliens don't land at The Jersey Shore.

Pawlie, Mookie, Shifty and Poot. Backstreet Boys of another, greasier, universe? Much fist pumping and biting of the lip.

I honestly thought people like this didn't exist anymore. I'm so naive.

My dog gets this same look on her face when she has to poop.

I watched an episode of this show. I was amazed that only one person hit Snooki and that it took them so long to do it. I wanted to pummel her by minute 5. I'm also repelled by the 4 guidos they have populating that house. Is this a medical experiment? These children have been raised by wolves or their DNA has been seriously altered, right? Collectively they probably have an IQ in the "give that child a helmet" range. I was so embarrassed for them that I had to turn it off. A first for me, shit I used to watch The Anna Nicole Show so I know embarrassing when I see it. I may have to watch another episode, it doesnt seem right to judge so harshly without having more data. Let's just hope they don't drop dead anytime soon from alcohol poisoning, STD's or roid rage. Thats my 2 cents.

As you may, or may not, know....my butt was rather large at one time. I was a "big" girl..."big boned"....a "thick chick". All of the above add up to the ugly truth that I was "fat". I ranged from chubby and cute to "damn...that bitch is big". So, after much soul searching and a few bouts of cold-feet, I had the surgery. Gastric bypass to be more specific. If you go back far enough in my blogs you can read all about that crazy (sometimes terrifying) journey. Anyway, here I am.....much much lighter and almost 3 years post-op. I have learned some very hard lessons along the way and live a much different life than I used to.
1. I obsess way more about food now than I did when I was fat.
2. Your doctor will tell you un-truths to try and scare you into compliance.
3. You CAN drink soda, eat bread and drink alcohol without your body exploding.
4. Your intolerance to sugars,fats and carbs goes away or you learn how to work around your maximums.
5. You'll lose interest in exercising and it will become the bane of your existance.
6. You will regain.....I said I NEVER would....I'm up from my lowest.
7. The pouch doesnt fix your broken head.....I eat, not because I'm hungry, but because I'm a food addict or an overeater....or whatever name you wanna attach to it.
8. You'll lie to everyone about.....(insert your weakness here)....mine involves alcohol.
I didnt write this to depress anyone or talk anyone out of the surgery. It really believed it saved my life or at least added a few years onto it. I'm hoping that, with more time, I can come to grips with some of my personal demons that I think are the basis of my addictions. I AM an addict, will always be one and I really believe in my heart that most people who are morbidly obese are as well. Anyway, sorry if I bummed yall out. I'm resolving to wake up tomorrow with a more positive attitude and a plan for how to shrink my ever-inflating ass. Wish me luck!

The last moments of Christmas torture.

Mine know better. The fantasy was blown wide open a few years ago and rather than fight it, I conceded. "You're right sweetie, there is no Santa. Mommy does it all." Staring eyes.....mouth open.....and then "Well, I guess I can blame you for the crappy presents last year then." She walks away. Homicide anyone?

I wasn't always so angry at Christmas. I think I enjoyed a few of them.....possibly before children. I know many women who pride themselves on buying their kids every-damn-thing on the planet. "Oh sure! I bought little Johnny everything on the list he submitted this year! (she's smiling that "please like me" smile) Uh huh....sure...yeah, you're kid must be a real gem. Just turn and walk away Michelle or your mouth will start moving and the sounds coming out of it will definately offend. RUN!

I don't spoil. My kids work for what they get. Some people (bitches...) say I'm a tad "militant" hmmmmm, okay I am rather strict in some of my parenting. So? At least I know where my kid is and what they are doing. I dont make Xmas a culmination of the years good deeds. She tries hard because thats her JOB! Anyway, dont get me started. Back to Xmas. I'll rename it Giftmas and it wont involve a tree or lights. Good will toward others and charity should be the basis. End o story.

So here we are, 12 hours away from a school day (Yipee!) and I'm very excited. I have 2 weeks off without kids before I start school too. Its going to take me that long to recover from this 3 week madness. Cheers all!

I'm the Mommy, that's why....

Do you cock your head to the side and think "hmmmm, its funny but yaknow what? THAT is actually a good idea." ? Don't lie, you know you do. Then reason takes over. Well, for me, reason doesn't always reign me in quick enough and I have been known to participate in some questionable "child management procedures". Nothing dangerous or illegal but questionable nonetheless. I'm only referring to physical methods, not the mandatory Nyquil-ing, Sudafed-ing or Benadryl-ing that we all come down to at some point. Unfortunately mine are of an age (12 and 15) that they know "their rights" and won't waste a minute contacting "an attorney". It's alot harder to slip over-the-counter cold medications into their beverages too. So now I live in a world of empty threats and bribery, my kids have become the extortionists that I was at their age. They're also awake alot more these days, hehe. Ah, to be young again.

New Year Cometh.

Well, didnt win the damn lottery. Not that I REALLY thought we would but there's always that glimmer ya'know? Anyway. Last night was typical of our New Years exploits. Joe fell asleep watching a movie (around 9pm) and the girl and I stayed up till 12. I only had to roust her awake a FEW times, hehe. Wake up dammit, I'm doing this for your benefit ferchrissake. Gah. In bed by 12:01, bed spinning. No wonder...I finished off half a bottle of wine dammit. Watched more tv till sleepiness outweighed the spinning and I passed out.
Fade to morning of 2010.....I heard him get out of bed at an absurd hour (4:20am) to surf the internet (can you say Craigslist addiction?) so I dozed back into a coma. AND THEN....just as my dream gets juicy I feel him slide back into the bed......naked. This means ONE THING. (picture me roll my eyes as I sleep, it isnt easy to do btw) Ok, you've been asleep ALL night and I'm 5 hours into a drunken sleep.....the answer is ...uh.....legs clamped and feigned death....go away....no one is home, sorry...no entry unless you answer to the name Ryan Rheynolds or Hugh Jackman and even then you better be covered in sugar-free chocolate. Am I kidding? You obviously dont know me if you're asking.
Fast forward. Today there is a ride, as in Harley Group ride. And since I have volunteered to take on the title of Lead Officer of Ladies of Harley for my Group I think I should go. I mean, I missed the damn Xmas party because of undisclosed reasons, which I will not be disclosing here. Soooo, Child #2 wants to ride shotgun. Its 38 degrees outside. I warn and warn and try very hard to explain exactly HOW very cold it will be. "I'm good Mom, lets rock." Uh-huh. So we ride. The old man follows in the car with Child #1. About 30-40 riders showed up, it was a good ride (albeit very fucking cold). Yadda yadda yadda. Lunch at the Va Diner (I'm still frozen btw) and we go to leave. Child #2 defects to the car (knew she would PUSSY!, ha!) and I ride back home alone, which I prefer because I go F A S T! Nothing, no words, can explain the feeling....its better than....everything....honestly. Once home and I defrost nothing can touch me, no crisis or child induced madness can penetrate this shield. Ahhhhhh. So I sent the old man out for take-out ( i refuse to cook which means there is no food available for consumption, hehe) I'm alone, ahhhhhhhh. I guess this could be construed as a perfect day, yes? Well, not perfect....they will come home eventually. Kidding. Time for wine. Tata yall.