Happy Birthday to ME!

Yesterday was the big 40 and it started out okay.  I went to my first two classes and then began to feel really ill. Ended up leaving before Physics, not good.  Came home and slept for a couple of hours, felt better.  Had some time to myself so I went out to buy some pants, found one pair.  Got a call from my Dad while I was shopping.  Went home and Joe and the kids had bought me a new strainer, a cake pan, a huge measuring cup and a watch.  It was nice.  I watched Heroes, ate some pinto beans and hit the hay at 11.  I'm a party animal huh. Oh, and 168 lbs this morning. Wheeeeeee.

Tata.

Another week in Hell

Well, here I am....at the end of a very bad week.  Just when it seems nothing else can go wrong.....well, you'd think I'd know better.  Another kidney infection.  Yep.  Fun huh?!  More antibiotics!  Also Avery has come down with some mystery sickness that caused him to throw up at school in Friday.  He's been sleeping the whole weekend.....no fever, no other symptoms...he just wants to sleep. Weird. 

I managed to get motivated enough yesterday to start on my next big speech due on the 31st.  Not writing the actual speech but making the AV poster that has to accompany it.  Oh and I also finished the bibliography.  So now all I have to do is write the friggin damn speech.  I was supposed to be studying all weekend for my giant history test tomorrow......have I?.......of course not.  I'll force myself to as soon as I run out of other things to do.  Arrrrgh.

I went to the shrink on Thursday and boy was that the shits.  He looked at my intake and without asking me any questions, wrote me a perscription for Zoloft.  Huh?  I said I dont really want any drugs.  And I swear he looked at me like I had just spit in his face.  You DONT want drugs?  Uh, no....I really just wanted to talk to someone.  I swear I thought he was gonna say "Well, we dont do that here." HA! Anyway, he was an ass so I made an appointment to see someone who does the talking kind of therapy.

I still feel like "not myself".  I'm hoping that over time this will resolve itself.  I'm seriously considering taking a semester off so that I can get myself straight before I ruin my 4.0 GPA.  It may be for the best even though Joe thinks its a really bad idea.  He's afraid I'll quit and wont go back.  I'm still not sure what I'm gonna do.

Anyway, thats it for now. Oh I weighed in at 170 again this morning. I think I've hovered around 170 for most of October now. Hmmmm.

Tata.

Hump Day

Today is my Moms birthday and she's 62.  I called her this morning at 6 am (7 her time) and I'm hoping that made up for not getting her a card.  I'm a terrible daughter.

I'd like to thank my Dad for his generous birthday donation.  As always he sends me exactly what I want, money. HA! Thanks Dad, you rock.

I have a speech to give today and I'm dreading it.  Oh and I got a 60 on my last Physics test, way to go huh.  Anyway, school is depressing.

Tata.

Cooking, my new obsession.....uh, I need a bigger family to feed.

Sydney 10/20/07

I had the last 2 days off and got literally nothing done.  Oh well.  So today and tomorrow I will probably do much of the same. How cool is that? HA!

I cooked a great new dish last night. A baked sausage ziti with a rosemary pesto bread.  I had a bite of each because I couldnt resist tasting it (didnt swallow of course) and man was it good.  I also cooked an apple oat cake that was a real hit, the good thing is it is very low cal, low fat.  Tonight I'm making a twist on an old favorite, creamed peas on toast.  Mine will have tuna in it and I'll make my own sourdough bread for the base.  For dessert I'll make a cheesecake cup, theyre fairly small because theyre rich as hell.  I found a great recipe for Mexican Stuffed Tomatoes that I may try next week, although I'll have to change it abit.  It uses pimentos and chopped hot peppers which I dont think the family will appreciate.  I can substitute with sweet peppers, they sell a pickled mix that they like at Walmart.

Ok, well, I suppose I should go do something. Tata!

Friday

We are very relieved to find out that Joe's Moms cancer is just the one spot on her lung.  Isnt that funny?  We're RELIEVED that she only has cancer in one place. She'll be going up to the Mayo Clinic in a week or so to have it biopsied.  From there I guess there will be a surgery.  She is hoping it will be as simple as cutting it out, with no follow-up chemo.  I guess its just a waiting game now.

I weighed myself late this morning (I had already drank a whole bottle of water and eaten toast/egg/jam) so it turned out to be 175.  I dont really care too much, I know tomorrow it will be back down.  I find I can tolerate an egg as long as its kinda sucked up by the toast, kinda like french toast and then cooked just so it isnt runny.  If the egg gets dry it kills me. I have some Polaner Sugar-Free Strawberry jam and although it tastes funky (after-taste) I put a tablespoon on top.  I ate about 6 bites, didnt want to push my luck.  Lately I've had a thing for avacados and pinto beans but I had to take a break because apparently too much of those items can cause bad diarreah. Oooops.  Back to soup for awhile.

School has been torturous.  History and Physics are killing me.  I'm officially failing History with a 68 average and just hanging on in Physics with a 72.  I dont know what to say, I'm just as horrified as you.

I have the day off today and will probably clean or watch TV even though I have planned to do a bunch of school stuff. 

Anyway, Tata.

Oh boy....Pictures!

    

Well, here I am again, fully clothed this time.  I think the camera definately added some weight cause I look enormous here.  These were taken about a week ago.  I weigh 173 as of this morning.  A loss of  67 pounds and only 33 more pounds to goal!  I ate 1/4 bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, beans and weiners for lunch (only ate about 3 weiners, they're yukky.) and 1/4 cup of pumpkin seeds for a snack.  Havent decided on dinner yet. 

It finally rained here today, alittle.  Maybe for 20 minutes it was a heavy sprinkle. I mean the sky is black right now but NO rain.  My grass looks awful.

Tonight we should hear from Joe's Mom.  She had her scans today looking for more cancer and they are supposed to give her the results right away.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Anyway thats about it. Tata!

Not too bad for 40 right?! My neck got abit baggy and deflated but I knew that would happen! My forehead is wrinkly because I'm looking up at the camera and trying not to blink! Argh!

Another Wednesday and bad news

I cant believe that in just 12 days I'll be 40.  Weird.  I really only have about 25 years left to get anything done.  And thats if I can avoid cancer or some other debilitating illness.  I really dont feel 40, although I dont know what 40 is supposed to feel like.  I think I'm thinking more about death because last night my sister-in-law called to tell us Joe's mother was in the hospital and may have cancer. Lung cancer.  The woman didnt smoke a day in her life.  Joe called her and she was pretty much hysterical.  Shit, I dont blame her, I would be too.  Today she'll go in for more testing to see if she has it in any of her other organs. Joe is very upset as well and if it turns out that she has more than one cancer, he'll fly out to spend some time with her.  I dont blame him, I cant imagine it happening to my mom.

Anyway, I have to run. Tata.

I'm back....bet you didnt even know I was gone huh?!

My computer had a melt-down and after 2 trips to Best Buy, I managed to fix it myself.  Those Geek Squad guys get paid way too much.  I did, however, find out that one of the fans is broken and that is a bad thing long-term.  He said it could burn up my hard drive.  Oh and he also tried to sell me $80 bucks of software while he was at it. Dumbass.

I'm at 175 but feel smaller.  I'm in a 14 but only have one pair, so I wear my "big girl" pants most days.  I bought a few smaller t-shirts, Large, and even some of those seem big.  My collar bones protrude and I have a jaw line.  I am growing bat wings but don't care too much.  My boobs have shrunk considerably which is fine with me.

Thats it for now. Tata.

Not much to say

I ate under 500 calories today.  Not good.  My eating sucks.  I should be eating chicken but it makes my stomach cramp.  I'm going to try better tomorrow, I swear. 

Measurement comparison

August 2nd   Weight= 209                                Oct 7     Weight= 178

Neck     15                                                                       13.75

Arm     15                                                                           12

Boob     44.5                                                                      41

Under Boob   38.5                                                              35

Waist     38.5                                                                       34

Hip     50.25                                                                        45

Thigh     28                                                                            25

Calf     17                                                                             15.25

Ankle     10                                                                          9.75

That's 31 inches overall lost in about 2 months. Thats funny because its also 31 pounds lost in the same timeframe. I have 38 pounds left to lose before I get to my first goal, 140 pounds. Well, writing that down really makes it real.  Only 38 left, unbelievable. Overall I feel pretty good.  Yesterday someone actually called me "regular sized"......doesnt sound like much but to me it means I'm no longer the biggest ass in the room. Yay me.

Is it today already?

Finished my latest round of antibiotics today, thank goodness.  The pills were tearing my poor stomach up.  I feel okay ( I say that tentively) and am just taking it one day at a time.  I bought some vanilla protein powder to try and up my protein intake per day.  I have to say, I made this milk/powder/banana shake this morning and had a hard time getting even half of it down.  It tasted putrid, uber-sweet and too banana-y.  Will try other combinations because I just need to find some way to keep my body from eating itself. I'm down to 178 as of this morning. My brain function has improved for short periods of time, I guess thats better than total shutdown.  I still find that I have NO motivation to study and Joe has taken it apon himself to give me a shove now and then. 

Anyway, gotta go get dinner ready. Tata.

Tuesday

That's me.  Confuzed monkey.  My brain isnt working right, its like theres pudding where my grey matter used to be.  I went over my bloodwork and know that I'm anemic, no big deal.  The big deal is a few of my other values, the ones about blood and cell production, are not good.  I think it can be attributed to my low protein intake but I'm not sure.  I'm adding an extra vitamin and may buy some new supplements next payday.  My kidney feels better today.  I'm drinking alot of water and will start adding lemon juice to it, the acid in the lemons will keep other infections away.

School is ok, I kind of just muddle through, trying to pay attention and yet my mind cant seem to focus. Its scary and frustrating.

Anyway, time to go. Tata.